Sunday, October 14, 2007


The author is briefly coming out of seasonal retirement to comment upon the, we'll say questionable, managerial hiring by the Cincinnati Reds Baseball Squadron. With the official announcement upcoming, it appears the team has settled on, let me finish, Dusty Baker! Apparently the Reds failed to listen to any of his nationally broadcast commentary. At least Bob Brenly got picked up for the post season on TBS and we all know he's a fucking moron. Well, I hope he has a sense of humor.

Aaron Harang when hearing of the new hire said, "He has an established track record, a winning track record, he knows how to help teams win and to get them in a winning state of mind. I think he's definitely going to get a change of attitude and get the players to play for him." Now that's a guy looking for a contract extension. The author had been quite happy with the work of Mackanin but it appeared from the start that Reds brass was in search of a bigger name. Dusty probably qualifies as a big name but more for his extended record relative incompetence. If the author had to choose of the many Dustys available for the position, Mr. Baker may have made the top ten, which isn't bad considering the quality of the other available candidates. Of the top choices:

1. Dusty Rhodes, The American Dream, also known as The Son of a Plumber, was one of Dr. Tiffy's favorite wrestlers in the 80's. The 3 -time world champion, with his manager Sapphire, may have worn polka dots, but at least he knew a thing or two about situational pitching.

2. Dusty Springfield, the son of a preacher man, was in all actuality a former high price call girl who had given John Denver a wicked case of mouth sores. But I think rabbits and some blue-eyed soul would be a nice addition to any clubhouse.

3. Dusty Bottoms. The least heralded of the 3 Amigos, Dusty Bottoms raped the horses and trimmed the hedges of many small villages.

4. Dusty Hill, the bassist from ZZ top. He liked legs and knew how to use them. He's come a long way since the cat crucifixions prevalent at '70s concerts. There is simply no reason that kick ass bass and an ankle-length beard wouldn't help around the clubhouse. This may be the author's upset pick for the long run well-being of the Reds as a franchise.

My only hope is that he brings his same bat boy with him from San Francisco. I can't wait for Big Donkey to plow over that little fucker if and when he gets in the way, which he will and everyone will enjoy very much. The specifics for Baker are as follows: he managed the Giants for ten years before retiring following the 2002 World Series meltdown; after securing a release from the Giants, Baker was able to take the Cubs to the post season in his first season before guiding them to the NL's worst record of 66-96 in 2006. Not too bad. But, if given the choice, the author might just prefer to save the millions of dollars and fit his cat with a pair of batting gloves. That way there won't be any hurt feelings when someone gets fired after three pretty awful seasons. Dusty don't make me hate you, I'm trying to keep an open mind.