Harang Pitches Like An Average-Sized Man, Fish 9-2

Cordero was once again foiled by his arch-nemesis Cody Ross on Saturday, allowing the Marlins to take the second game of the series, and today Harang simply did not pitch very well.

Harry Ang wasn't himself. He gave himself a one run lead with an RBI single in the 2nd but gave the Fish 8. He gave up two bombs to Hanley Ramirez, which isn't so bad until you recall that the first one came after he allowed a hit to Jacque Jones who was pinch outing (as opposed to hitting). Jacque Jones hadn't reached base this year in 112 at bats.

After the Friday night singles outpouring, the offense slowed today. Griffey started but the only center fielder who went deep for the Reds was Corey Patterson. Last game of the year with the Marlins tomorrow with Volquez on the hill. You can put a lock on a series split.

Homer Bailey Will Now Write Some Poetry To Express Himself, Phillies Take Series, Win Today 5-0

Hamels just loves facing the Reds. Another complete game shutout, his second in three starts against Cincinnati over the last two years. At least the summer with the Phillies is over. Griffey got back in the lineup, which was fortunate because otherwise they'd only have had 2 hits. That would have been embarrassing.

Homeboy wasn't bad, especially if you disfavor the strikeout, in his first big league start of the year. The first two runs scored when, twice, epileptics dropped the third out on a fly ball. Looks like a team trip to the opthamalogist is in order tomorrow in Florida. If I was to pick one state where the best cataracts doctors in the country would reside, Florida is my guess. Maybe Junior Griffey can go look at a condominium and get fitted with a monocle at the same time. Homer did give up a home run to Geoff Jenkins, which is not a good sign, but I, being the expert that I am, would assume he pitched well enough to get another chance in five days. Just strike out a couple guys next time.

Volquez Has Used One Word To Describe Himself Since He Got To Cincinnati, What Was It? Reds 2-0

That one word, of course, is professional. My main man Edinson turned in another gem tonight to foil the offense's plan to give him his third loss on the season. Fortunately Joey Votto sold out the rest of the hitters and knocked in the winning margin with a couple of doubles.

Volquez and Brett Myers (powered on anger generated by his girlfriend's pre-game sass talk, You will not talk to me using that tone!) locked into a pitcher's duel. Myers didn't even allow a hit until the 7th when Votto drove in the Reds' first run on a double to left. He added another RBI double in the 9th and Bray and Cordero sent the Philadelphia fans home without even getting an opportunity to throw their celebratory batteries at the players. It's tradition.

Tomorrow, the Homer Bailey 2008 "Hey, I'm Coachable Now" Tour kicks off. He's been seeing a psychiatrist and a public relations expert and by all accounts, has made some good progress. Through subtle changes like addressing members of the media by their real names not "that cheese dick in the back" and replacing the phrase "fuck you Dick Pole" with "that is a valid suggestion which I will attempt to implement" he seeks to reestablish himself as a player who is both approachable and eager to learn the game of baseball. Never been much question regarding his stuff, which he shows to the Phillies and Pretty Boy Cole tomorrow. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Just Give the Boy Some Runs, Reds 5-4

Encarnacion getting hot seems almost always to coincide with the rest of the team going ice cold. Like the proper serving of gazpacho. Eddie homered and tripled but no one else did anything. That's what you get when you are constantly putting people down, sure his good natured ribbing makes him feel good for a little while but all the road losses are hard to deal with.

Harang lost his MLB leading 8th game tonight, tough break for the big guy. He pitched well enough to win if you've got a reliable offense but also got bailed out by new pal Danny Herrera. It's rare that the bullpen doesn't punish you for leaving runners on the basepaths. Pat that Bat didn't know what to do with a 83 mph Screwy Louie. I don't suspect that many major league hitters will. Looks like he will be a nice addition to the bullpen. Now if someone on the offense would get some hits. Oh wait, Brett Myers tomorrow, no problem. Reds can still split the series, though the get-away day lineup awaits fans on Thursday. Ross finally gets that start in centerfield.

Phanatic's Giant Extendible Crank Just A Little Too Much For Reds, 5-4

Arroyo continued his embargo on pitching effectively on more than 3 days rest. He gave up three bombs, including one each to the 7 and 8 hitters, and couldn't finish out the 5th. He's told Dusty that three days rest is all he needs and that number is not negotiable. The team is just going to have to make other accomodations.

Bruce went deep for the third day in a row and Big Donkey drove in two with a two-out, two-run double in the 6th. Encarnacion even took one out of the park but also managed to work in a couple of strikeouts to keep things predictable. Votto told reporters that he knows where Chase Utley likes to go after games and he was going to go there as well to teach him about making diving catches on rockets hit up the middle. Come on Utley, twice in one game? You hadn't made that play twice in one year before 2008. If you're going to continue killing the ball, let's at least go back to being a defensive liability.

Harang and his four deadly weapons (2 hands and 2 fists) fire things up tomorrow. He's ready to make amends for his last outing. The Philly offense has already made alternate plans.

I'll Trade You My Crackhead for Your Guy with the Brain Disease - Hamilton/Volquez Trade First Trimester Review

This offseason, eager to make a trade so that he could give quotes to the local newspapers and also impress the girl working at the coffee kiosk down the block from the GAB ('Shit Brandy, if Wayne wants make a trade, he makes a goddamned trade. This is Wayne's team baby, Wayne's team!'), former General Manager Crazy Krivsky shipped Major League Baseball's feel good story of 2007, Josh Hamilton, to the Rangers for pitchers Edinson Volquez and Danny Herrera. The Reds Rocket was suspicious of the deal at first because, well, Hamilton used to smoke rock and nothing in the scouting reports indicated such a history for Volquez. Instantly your credibility with the pimps and street thugs that fill the stands at the GAB disappears. Even though he now spends Friday nights with the family of impoverished Guatemalans that he adopted into his home last November after his missionary work, at least Hamilton used to know how to have a good time. And after 57 games it seemed to be as good of time as any to compare the first third of the season's performance of the two gentlemen.

Hamilton's numbers for his early Rangers career have been pretty remarkable. But it's important to keep in mind that he does have Milton Bradley providing protection for him in the batting order. Bradley has personally threatened each starter in the AL with the removal of one testicle for each at bat where Hamilton doesn't see something straight, middle-in. So far it's been effective. Hamilton currently ranks third in the AL in batting average and first in slugging, home runs, and RBIs. He also ranks number one in announcer references to the movie the Natural.

But as it turns out, recovering drug addict or not, Volquez is a pretty solid guy. He won the fifth starter position with a great spring has been very disrespectful to opposing batsmen. Presently, he ranks 1st in the National League in ERA, 1st in strikeouts, 2nd in wins, 2nd in H/9 IP (6.22), 2nd in BAA (.197). The full line is listed below:

All that and he's only making $392,500 and won't be a free agent until 2013, which is a definite positive for the Reds management who don't like to pay baseball players very much money, if they can avoid it. His makeup and repertoire have drawn comparison to Pedro Martinez, hence the weave Photoshopped into the picture above. He looks forward to the opportunity to throw Don Zimmer to the ground. Either way, he's been the pitching version of Hamilton to open the season without the, you know, publicity. If he keeps going six innings and not giving up any runs, Edinson is no longer going to be the eighth most popular name in the Dominican Republic.

Not to be lost in the transaction, is left-handed reliever Danny Herrera. In addition to dominating AAA hitters with a fastball topping out in the mid-80s, prior to completing the trade, Herrera agreed in principle to act as Cincinnati's new human interest story. He can meet the requirements of the deal in three ways: 1) to become addicted to and successfully overcome an addiction to speed; 2) to contract and successfully overcome some variety of newsworthy cancer (rectal, for example, doesn't count as opinion polls state that 75% of the population would prefer not to say the word 'rectum'); or 3) open a veterinary clinic caring for otherwise unadoptible animals (blind cats, dogs with one leg, alligators with diabetes, etc.).

Reds Go All Andrew Jackson On the Braves, 6-2

The Cincinnati baseball team made up for their substandard performance earlier this month in Atlanta by finishing off the sweep of the Bravos today. There were even a few people at the game today (just a shade under 36,000), the whole town's gone Bruce crazy. It's like falling in love all over again.

Johnny C. looked quite nice out there on the hill. He didn't even bother complying with his affirmative action obligation to give the Braves a couple of hits until the 5th. Just call him Old Hickory. And aside from the back-to-back bombs by Teixiera and McCann in the 7th, which briefly made it a one run game, he managed to keep Reds viewers relaxed and stress free. That's all I'm looking for around here, looking to take 'er easy on a Sunday afternoon.

Medium-sized Donkey, Jay Bruce, went 2 for 3 with another homer. He drove in two and is now 13 for 22 (.591) with a .690 OBP and is slugging exactly 1.000 over the first 6 games of his major league career. Those are Kevin Maas and Shane Spencer type numbers. Griffey, seeking to not to have the number of signs with his name on them be eclipsed by those which are Bruce-related, also went 2 for 3 but with a double instead of a ding dong. Not that he would count the number of signs, or their subject matter. We're all on the same team here.

The team heads to Philadelphia tomorrow, they are planning to see the Liberty Bell and also where the award winning picture National Treasure was filmed. Dusty is a big fan of Justin Bartha. And they have a very special guest with them, Gary Majewski. He's back with the team after receiving shock treatment, acupuncture, hypnosis, and regular full service massages. The team is confident that he's got things under control and is ready to contribute in a positive manner. The author looks forward to 3/4 of a season of lights out relief from the Polish Nightmare. Nightmares for the opposition, that is. Reds! Reds! Reds!