Reds Only Minimally Disappointing, Cardinals 8-7

After already watching the Reds win the first two games of the series then, yesterday, add a little uncharacteristic heart before falling in the 10th, the Reds Rocket didn't need the standard Chocolate Choo-Choo to drown out the sorrows after the game. This is not to imply that the Reds Rocket does not expect the Toothpicks to win every game for the rest of the season but, if they are going to lose, a loss like yesterday wasn't all that bad.


Volquez's line looks worse than he actually threw. His own poor defense, of course, contributed. Danny Ray and Burton didn't help him out following a couple of walks in the 7th. Charlatans. But the big news was the offense: Ray Jay hit another two-run bomb; Rosales went yard for the first time in his career then sprinted around the bases like a maroon; Votto appeared recoved from the swine flu, taking a pitch out opposite field; and the 9th inning featured two bombs, the first by the powerful Jerry Hairston and the second by everyone's favorite pinch-hitting pitcher. When I say favorite, I mean when he's not pitching. Ryan Franklin and his weird beard, trash stache, filled up the count then floated a fastball over which Owings crushed, sending the game to extras. What happened after that, I don't recall. Everyone was joyous and went home and had a hearty meal before returning for the work week.


Reds in Arizona today. For those of you who don't get every Diamondbacks game on tv may not realize how bad the Arizona team is this year. They just lost 2 of 3 at home to the Nationals. Their offense is hitting a collective .226 and Brandon Webb has some potentially serious shoulder issues. Rumor has it that's why a long-term deal wasn't reached this offseason, team doctor's concerns of whether that ball and socket joint is going to hold up over the length of a new contract. So, there you go, your 2009 Arizona Diamondbacks. Reds take three beginning tonight. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Reds Pose with Serious Expressions, Dominate Cardinals 8-3

Two strong performances against a previously hot team, in front of the home crowd? The one out of five in attendance who were actually for the home team were undoubtedly quite pleased with the outcomes of games one and two in the series with the Cards. Now you can not only dump your beer on the old lady in your section wearing the Cardinals hat but accompany the soaking with an insult regarding the play of her team. Be sure to tell your mother all about it tomorrow, it is a holiday after all.

Cueto continued his dominance yesterday, pitching 7 strong and laying down a wide array of interesting sacrifice bunts. The idea is to clip the ball with the bottom quarter of the bat, bouncing it off the plate high into the air. He has it down to the a science. He'll take that extra base when you're not paying attention every time. Even without Billy Hatcher reminding him of the rules. Weathers picked a good game to become ineffective, with a 4-run cushion in the 8th. That allowed Coco the opportunity to pick up another save. He feels like he needs to validate that big contract to you fans.

Today, Corporal Clegg, with the wooden leg, also went 7, and with the exception of a two-out bomb from Ludwick and an unearned run, pitched very fine. In both games the offense decided to show up. The Reds Rocket has determined that Votto with all of his hitting has proven to be a crutch for the rest of the positional players. While he receives care for the hog dysentery, everyone else has had to make like a regular offense. Both games featured first inning runs, putting the starters at ease. Whoa now, simmer down there big fella', look at the scoreboard. See? Two runs. Have a carrot. Tough break for the owner of the tiny novelty beard, Lohse, but that's how the team treats ex-Reds. Even if management received uncharacteristically large salad-tosser Matt Baloney in return.

Tomorrow, as has been long predicted, Reds continue their dominance of everyone. After one more with at home with the Cardinals, they hit the road for a three-game set in front of the serpents beginning Monday. The Reds Rocket, as dwellers of the desert and, thus, questioned Reds loyalists, will finally have an opportunity to view the games in person and tell Volquez how much we like his hair. It looks like a giant spider is crawling out from under your hat, which is wicked sweet. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Reds Send Brewers Home to Mama, 6-5

With tuberculosis going around the clubhouse, the Reds ran 'alternative' lineup out on the field yesterday. That meant Ramon Hernandez playing first for his only time in his career and Hairston moving from short over to 2nd to take the place of B. Phill. Paul Janish Yanish sacked up and played short after icing that pitching arm down. Hernandez actually made a nice catch over at first to end the game. Turns out the Toothpick, or as his Spanish speaking friends call him (apparently there are three options) palillo, escarbadientes, or mondadientes, knew exactly what he was doing all along. I realize that this is how 40% of my paragraphs end but you can't say it enough.

The bullpen was solid again last night. After Owings wore himself out legging out triples and scoring on wild pitches, Masset came in a calmed things down. Arty Rhodes followed, walked the lefty and struck out two righties. And then Coco made everyone nervous when Nelson hit a deep fly out but retired the side in order. Thombo reminded me several times during last night's broadcast that Coco has the longest consecutive active save streak in the majors. Way to go you fat piece of shit. Just kidding, the Reds Rocket is a big fan. Big fan of Coco.

Cards in town today with 5 game winner, and piece of garbage, Joel Piniero taking the mound today against Cueto. Clearly, mismatch here in favor of the Reds, so no need to tune in. You can just read about the 14-1 win tomorrow in the paper. Yesterday, I listened to the first 4 or 5 innings on the radio and during the 'Ask Marty' part of the broadcast, a listener asked Marty who, in his opinion, was the most handsome member of the Louisville Bats team? That is a good question. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Reds Look Pretty Good, Brewers 15-3

Since the Reds play was piss poor yesterday, enjoy this picture of both Hasslehoff and Gary Coleman in front of Kit. It's from the episode of Diff'rent Strokes where we learned a valuable lesson about not trusting adults, regardless how nice the car may be. 'Michael, are you sure you want to touch the young boy there?'

Arroyo's start was not ideal, especially with a short bullpen. He went 1+ and gave up a very reasonable 9 runs. Even with the Reds powerful offense, that's a big deficit to come back from. The pen was adequate and, hey, Paul Janish Yanish pitching the 9th. Nice job out there Paul. Who doesn't like seeing a position player out there getting shelled when the game is already out of hand? You can likely take that ERA of 45 runs per 9 innings into retirement with you and tell your spoiled grandchildren about it. If there is a next time, I'd like to see more knuckleballs and euphus pitches.

B.Phill and Bruce both went yard, bringing the Reds up to the 3 runs you saw on the scoreboard at the conclusion of the game. So, there you have it. Reds beat the Brewers today and split the series.

Reds Laugh, Enjoy Selves at Expense of Marlins, Reds 7-0

Phillips finally awoke from his slumber tying a career best by driving in 6 of the Reds 7 runs, Votto got on base 5 times and Volquez continued to be very disrespectful to opposing bats. All around nice day for the team in South Florida. But now they have to go to go play at home, in front of hundreds/thousands of supportive fans. What a drag. At least they can go to Skyline and get some chili in between losses. You can't get a decent potato smothered in cheese in Florida.

Volquez was wicked good again last night. His second straight start of 8 innings of shut out baseball. He walked a couple more this time, 3, and gave up two more hits, but the Marlin offense may be slightly better than Houston's, so no big deal. He's reduced his ERA to a much more managable three and a half per game. Everyone is quite please with his production, even Josh Hamilton, who's on the DL.

Just so fans didn't forget which team they're watching the Reds did put runners on 2nd and 3rd with less than 2 outs in both the 8th and 9th innings and did not score. That's the team I've grown to tolerate. Offense, keep up the good work. Maybe the bomb and double reminded Phillips that the reaction he receives from teammates and well-wishers for hits is more positive than for strikeouts or weak lineouts to infielders. That's is if he gave a shit what you or anyone else thinks, which, it so happens, he does. He aims to please. As stated, Reds home v. Milwaukee. Brewers bite. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Reds Tire of Game, Let Stupid Fish Win 3-2

As everyone familiar with the Reds know, one of the basic tenets of Dusty's regime is that the team get plenty of sleep. Dusty can't function on less than 17 hours. So, with the length of last night's game, the Janish Yanish decided to cut the team's losses, if you will, and throw the ball away in the 14th. Fourteen innings is just too long for a baseball game to go on. Especially in Florida, these boys got to hit the club.

Harang looked quite good for 7 innings yesterday, giving up only the two runs. If the game went into the 15th, Dusty was going to run him back out there. Harang understands that the four-day rest period in between starts is a luxury, not an entitlement. The yahoos who followed Harang were also pretty good. Lincoln loaded the bases up, but then decided to get out of the jam. Very uncharacteristic. When on the MLB homepage yesterday, I noted that Lincoln was one of the players listed in the 'cold' category. I found that surprising.

The offense, like nearly every game this season, was not very interesting to watch. Main-man Ramon Hernandez picked up the lone RBI, the other run scoring after Rosalez hit into a double play. And those runs both scored in the 7th, what they were doing for the rest of the time is unknown to me. Alex Gonzalez left the game late with a prolapsed rectum. Hopefully that gets better soon. If you don't already know and you'd like to know more about the condition is, type it into a google images search. I think you will enjoy the results and also be more empathetic towards Alex's early season slump. Reds win today, count on it.

Reds Starters Serve Metaphorical Sandwich To Pirates, Take Series from Rats

Depending upon your feelings of the importance of a bread to a sandwich, the bread portion of the series was excellent. The Reds Rocket prefers a high quality wheat toast which was represented by both the Arroyo and Cueto starts over the weekend. Arroyo salad was right on Friday night, shutting the Buccos out over 8. Then Cueto was even better today, pitching a similar scoreless 8, but putting up nine strikeouts. The filling to the sandwich, Owings, would be represented by Vegimite or ham salad. Those of you who like either of those two fillings are just fooling yourself as they do not make for a satisfying sandwich. Unless you are satisfied with disappointment. Which I am not.

Owings, in addition to maintaining strong hygene and grooming standards, also has to trouble himself with taking some swings in the cage and worry about Homeboy down on the farm striking out 16 in between looking terrible. The Reds Rocket is not ready to give up on the kid and his, I believed it's termed, mediocre peripherals. He's, as I hear way too frequently, a gamer. And gamers we will support.

The offense today wasn't too bad, considering the season leading up to the series, either. The Pittsburgh fanbase's cheering every time Hernandez stepped into the box, or was announced in the pre-game lineups, turned to questioning looks and even angry muttering, as Ramon was driving in runs like a wild child. That guy can flat out rake. And it appears that Adam Rosales support has turned toward frenzy as he keeps hitting like he was at AAA. And look at that guy hustle. He just got a walk but is sprinting to first? This guy's crazy, where do I buy a jersey? Even the 6 runs scored on Saturday show that they weren't just quite as willing to give up as they appeared they may be at the beginning of the year.

The ballclud sharpen their spears tomorrow before going marlin fishing tomorrow night in Miami. No one cares, Josh Johnson, how many times you've beaten Santana this year. I hope you're prepared to be the big loser. Nice weekend Reds, that's the type of team I can support. One that can take two out of three from the team suspected to be, outside the Nats, the worst in the NL. Reds! Reds! Reds!