Harang Announces This Will Be the Last Game He Receives No Run Support, Cardinals 5-2

The offense tricked fans today by jumping out to an early 2-0 lead before turning their focus towards their burgeoning career(s) as a recording artist. It's either one or the other. Harang didn't have his best stuff (he walked Chris Duncan twice which is pretty indicative) but lasted six and only gave up three earned but those three proved to be an insurmountable deficit for the Patterson-less offense. Just ask Dusty, he brings a pic-a-nic basket full of intangibles. Uncle Merky put the game out of reach by giving up a couple in the 7th. That drops the road trip back to .500 before Atlanta starting Friday.

On a positive note, I found this picture while looking around on Google accompanied by the following: "In the 1930's The St. Louis Cardinals baseball team was nicknamed 'The Gas House Gang' to describe the players' fiery attitude toward the game and their fun-loving style of play. In 1987 a quartet from the St. Louis area chose the name to match its own personality. Since that time, the foursome's energetic singing style and diverse repertoire have proven the appropriateness of the title to people across North America and Europe."

Nothing not to like there. Win Friday Reds.

Reds Lose? Cardinals 7-2

The author had gotten so used to the wins over the past three days that today really snuck up on me. Joel Pinero on the mound, Skip Schumaker back at the top of the lineup, easy win. But teams have begun to figure out Cueto's weakness (too much peanut brittle before the game) and the offense was just flat exhausted after bothering to put up 4 runs last night.

We did get to welcome back old friend Bill Bray who got the ball from Louisville. Sadly his promotion coincided with Big Frucking Nasty's demotion. It's unfortunate, but there's just no room on the big league roster for players that are absolutely terrible. See you later Nasty. Bray got some immediate action tonight, showcasing some very hittable stuff. But he didn't give up any runs and he was likely a little nervous with all those other lefties down in the bullpen. He'll be back comfortable on the disabled list in no time. Plan on the Reds taking the series tomorrow.

(also, don't think that 4 and 2/3 of scoreless ball by Josh Fogg went unnoticed. He is filthy and everyone knows it.)

Guitar Solo, Reds 4-3

When reading the recap, I was surprised to learn that this was the first time this season that the Reds have won the first game of a series. It only took 9, nice job team. A lot of the credit has to go, of course, to my main man Dusty, but also Arroyo for not simply phoning it in tonight. I saw his fastball velocity was in the 91-92 range. That's hot, hot to the touch. But beware, outings like this result in increased expectations.

The offense still isn't all that interested in scoring runs, but the 4 was enough tonight. Eddie had one legitimate double and one which can be attributed to the Cardinals' poor night vision. If you look closely at both Duncan and Izturis' driver's licenses you will see in bold writing that they are not allowed to operate a vehicle after dusk much less try and field fly balls. The author missed seeing Skip Schumaker out there doing what he does. Maybe tomorrow. That's a nice start against a divisional opponent, keep it up tomorrow. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Give Joe Buck the 'Throat Slit' Gesture From Me

A look at the standings indicates that the Cardinals may have made the right decision by finding teams to take some of the rotting corpses out of the lineup. Sure it’s not going to last but St. Louis has had a fun April. 16-10 (16-11 after today)? Not too bad LaRussa. Time to celebrate with 20 beers and a drive around town.

The Reds offense took advantage of some bad Giant pitching to put up a week’s worth of runs the last two days. I am under the assumption that the success will continue tonight with Todd Wellemeyer on the hill. Griffey and Grande Burro played Stratego in the dugout all day yesterday, so they should be sharp mentally and physically. And Arroyo had a nice short start last time on account of being awful, so he should be recharged, ready to throw a fastball over 85. That makes his assortment of salad much more effective. Here’s Redsbot 5000’s lineup:

1. Skip Schumaker LF – Skip is a family name and also a product of inbreeding

2. Rick Ankiel CR – sells his homemade lotions and balms from a kiosk outside Busch. May or may not feature HGH as the "secret" ingredient

3. Albert Pujols 1B – also known as the Southern Dandy

4. Ryan Ludwick RF – has Lyme disease

5. Troy Glaus 3B – served Baja food at his wedding, which is breaded and fried fish

6. Adam Kennedy 2B – misses David Eckstein because it means that he is now the worst player on the team

7. Yadier Molina C – will attempt to fight anyone who says that vertical blinds are better than horizontal

8. Todd Wellemeyer P – understands that by hitting 8th all he is guaranteed to accomplish is to get more at bats than a position player who is currently hitting over .300. He is very astute for a Cardinal

9. Brendan Ryan SS – lives with his grandmother, calls her Nana

Reds Can Beat Shitty Teams, Reds 10-1 over Giants

So, the Friday game may have been a bit discouraging, getting absolutely dominated by Jonathan Sanchez, but the last two made up for it. The Reds scored 10 in both though Sunday's may have been a little more relaxing for me to sit home and watch. Big Frucking Nasty has only shown an ability to record outs in games where the Reds are up 5 or more. That 4-run doesn't provide him ample room to do his big, ugly thing. A 6 run 2nd inning is how all games should begin or at least the next three with the Cards.

Sure the Giants offense is the worst in the league, but Volquez still went 7 and struck out 10. That's impressive even if Aaron Rowand is the most dangerous bat. Looks like Dusty's on to something sitting both Griffey and Dunn. That Hairston Jr., Patterson, Freel outfield is dangerous. And nice to see you again Brandon Phillips. Three hits in one game? Not too bad at all. Nice to see the home run lean again. Send me a post card from the arch.

This Team Doesn’t Need Barry Bonds After All

In what is kind of a funny road trip, the Reds fly west to play a few late games with the Giants then back to St. Louis and finally on to Atlanta for three with the Braves. San Francisco marks another stop on the Dusty Baker Oldies Revival Tour, though the homosexuals here may not treat him with the same level of disrespect he encountered from the homosexuals at Wrigley. He did take the Giants to a World Series, albeit concluded with a trademark Dusty meltdown but at least people got to show up at the park and yell obscenities at the opposition. Barry Bonds has even admitted that the team’s success can be completely attributed to Baker.

If you have to start a road trip anywhere, the team which resides in San Francisco is a nice place to start. Though they did just take a couple from the Padres, the San Diego offense, may, I stress this, may be worse than the one currently taking the field for the Reds. So, that is a bit of a misnomer. We can all just cool out, cooo-ooo-ool out, the Giants are a very poor baseball team and will lose all three games when they face the Reds. I’ll bet that thing on the side of the screen which shows a map and a score on it. That particular item cost the Reds Rocket several clams. Here’s Redsbot 5000’s game day lineup and trivia:

1. Fred Lewis LF – the currency used for payment of his salary is wool socks

2. Ray Durham 2B – can’t use the bathroom without first taking off his shirt

3. Randy Wynn RF – was named to an All-Star game once. Seriously

4. Bengie Molina C – volunteered to take a pay cut based upon his expected 2008 performance

5. Aaron Rowand CF – built this city on rock and roll

6. John Bowker 1B – who?

7. Brian Bocock SS – this name sounds made up

8. Rich Aurilia 3B – spokesman for www.isuckatbaseball.com, it doesn’t pay as well as you’d think

9. Jonathan Sanchez P – likes the progressive nature of the city of San Francisco, it’s really more of a European city, like Paris or Venice

Horry Kow! Reds Offense Can't Figure Jack Cassel, 'Stros 5-3

The homestand was somewhat less successful than expected, finishing 2-5 prior to their big trip out west. Today, Cueto continued to apply the strategy Dick Pole put into place last season never to retire Lance Berkman. He hit a first inning bomb and drove in the go-ahead run with a double. He just lost out on the holiday fruit basket the Reds Rocket sends to likeable opposition.

Turning to a less related subject, when I was listening to the silence of the Reds' offense on the radio today, one of the listeners in the 'Ask Marty' segment, asked which Red would be most likely to win the 4th of July hot dog eating contest. After some discussion, Marty and Cowboy decided that Javy Valentin would be the choice. What led up to the question was Marty's discussion earlier in the broadcast regarding the amount of chicken Cowboy eats at the pre-season Reds Roadshow, in his short-sleeved dress shirts, of course. Looks like I know where I'll be next March, eating fried chicken with a big, fat dumb shit. Who wants to join me? 'Whoo boy, I love fried chicken.'

Play better tomorrow team.