So Long You Old Son of a Bitch

The Reds Rocket has had a hard time disguising the bias in favor of Griffey. I grew up in Washington, witnessed the awful Mariners teams where Griffey was the only watchable player, and when the Reds acquired him in 2000 it didn't matter that Jared Fernandez and his shitty ass knuckleball were going to be the opening day starter. But he got hurt and when his body finally healed he had aged. The first half of last year was a terrific thing to watch but his power disappeared from July on, until a torn coin purse ended the season in September. This year his bat looked slow. The swing's the same but it seemed like the only balls he hit hard were offspeed or mistakes. And I hope, defensively, that he just lost balls in the lights or whatever, rather than was simply not interested, or unable, to make a play in right.

Reds fans did get to see the first 600th career home run hit by a Reds player (though I am just as interested in 610, the one which hits Sammy Sosa, his corked bat and jheri curl right in the balls). And, fortunately, as a small concession, all the players traded to the Mariners in the deal are either out of the league or their current team wishes they were out of the league (Tomko: 2-8, 6.79 ERA; Cameron: speedhead, followed by .227/.316/.465 in 71 games). But the Reds didn't win. His salary was a luxury that current attendance numbers don't support in Cincinnati. The return of Masset and Richar looks suspiciously like a salary dump rather than an acquisition of parts necessary to build a championship baseball team. The Reds have a second baseman who is under contract until 2012. One who hit 30 home runs last season and doesn't have visa problems. And we know Masset isn't going to take Fogg's spot in the rotation. The Foggster's lights out.

This site doesn't do sentimental well, but, regardless of that listed above, I'm going to have to find a new line in the Reds' boxscore to read first. Enjoy Chicago and check with Ken Williams to see if he might be interested in another Reds outfielder, one that runs pretty fast and may or may not have an on-base percentage under .220. That's the piece needed to beat the Angels in October.

Fortunately Wandy Pitches Every Fifth Day, Reds 9-5

It certainly appears that the Reds management is content with their team and the moves to be made at the deadline are going to be limited. Still there's a few hours and several friends which are likely nervous for that which is upcoming. But the team was able to put that aside tonight to tee-off on a piece of garbage. Nice job guys, Wandy Rodriguez is a real talent.

The offense came alive with 9 runs in support of our main man Volquez. Keppinger's errors kept things close in the 7th but that's just as a favor to the sponsors. You can't have everyone turning the game off to catch reruns of WKRP. It's not good business. Junior extended his hitting streak with a 3-run bomb and El Burro hit dos bombardos and Eddie added one as well. The 17 hits were nice but the author would have prefered a couple of those to be spread out over the last two nights. You remember those games, the ones where the Reds were horrible, like the movie Dante's Peak which seems to be on every time that I want to watch TV. My van is stuck on this bridge which is on the verge of being swept down stream by this high water! Now it's being swept downstream, where is Pierce Brosnan and his Forest Service Truck, nowhere in sight!

On to Washington tomorrow to beat up on the AAA team the Nationals continue to send out to the diamond. Fortunately for them, at least there are no Wandy's on their roster. Team continues the winning streak tomorrow. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Denny's Late Night Menu Proves Too Alluring For Reds Offense, Osholes 5-4

The author read that after the win today, Oshole is now 20-1 against the Reds all time, which isn't too bad. He just spent a month or so off squirrel hunting in the Ozarks, so his arm was tired from all the skinning and it showed tonight. After Cueto's laborious first inning, the offense showed a little heart. Bruce and Griffey singled before a Phillips walk loaded the bases. And the Grande Burro knows what time it is once those lights go low and bases are get loaded, business time. That's why he wears those business socks, as the saying goes.

But Cueto served one up to Geoff Blum, a change that Bako nicely referred to as the worse one he's seen in quite a while. That's the way to encourage those young arms. It was a pretty bad pitch, which, of course, is obvious because Geoff Blum was able to hit it hard. Berkman was surprisingly quiet, which is disconcerting. The author wishes he would have gotten all of the inevitable hits out of his system tonight, since the Reds are planning on winning the next two game and can't have him screwing things up. It doesn't need to be said but a lineup with Kaz Matsui, Blum, Darrin Erstad, and Brad Ausmus should not be able to beat another major league team. Even one with Corey Patterson on the bench. Think about that tomorrow you bunch of maroons. Beat the Astronauts.

Foggster Makes Rockies Wish They'd Retained His Services, Rockies 11-0

If only the Rockies brass would have agreed to Fig Newton and Capri Sun clauses in the contract proposed by the Foggster's agent this offseason he could still be pitching in Colorado. No matter how hard they tried, you could tell they missed him. And now they're out of luck, he's a Red for the remainder of the season or at least until he gets a more serious head injury or is traded to that professional team in Ecuador.

The Reds are in the process of teaching a valuable lesson about the relative unimportance of sports, in, as they say, the grand scheme of things. Go outside, get some fresh air. Spend some time with friends or Photoshopping Dusty Baker's face onto an image of a shirtless man riding a horse in your parents' basement. There are many things to do when you don't have to sit yourself in front of the tv for three hours on a Sunday afternoon watching Reds players attempt to overcome their general disinterest in being good at the game of baseball. And the Reds Rocket for one is happy with their decision. Nice work you guys, that sweep at the hands of the Rockies really drove things home for me. See you in Houston.

Guest Contribution: The Big Red Rant 07/22/08 by Petey Hendrix

The author would like to present another contribution from guest writer Petey Hendrix. He was nice enough to write what you see below, on his own time and email it to me free of charge. His only request was that the Reds Rocket find a homoerotic photo of the Reds manager-extraordinare, Dusty Baker. Check, Petey.

The Chicago Cubs now have a roster that reads a hell of a lot like the credits of a gay porno: Rich Harden, Kerry Wood, Reed Johnson, Chad Fox, Kevin Hart and Felix Pie (pronounced FEE-LICKS PIE). They must have to really concentrate on visualizing Loni Anderson circa 1978 so as not to let their bats go soft.

Many folks have worried in the blogosphere that if the Reds trade Griffey or Dunn this week, they won't have a serviceable outfielder besides Corey 'Can't Play in Porkopolis' Patterson. I would like to remind folks that if we make a trade, any team would be happy to send along whatever AAA or 'AAAA' outfielder(s) they have spare to give us a few serviceable months service.

The Reds are 11.5 games out, and *(edited to reflect current shittiness) just got swept at home by a team that, after the sweep, is 10 games under .500. It hurts, but this season is officially over. Let's jump on the trade market in a big way immediately. Anyone who is not under contract for next year needs to be re-signed or jettisoned. Here's whom I'd trade for whatever we could get: David Weathers, Jeremy Affeldt, Matt Belisle (I'm giving up on him, as his ceiling is as a 3rd starter), Josh Fogg (a great sign-and-trade idea by Krivsky), Mike Lincoln, David Ross, Javier Valentin, Jerry Hairston, Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr. Griffey is not likely going anywhere, but an offer to play in Wrigley Field for a first-place team for two months would be hard for him to turn down. I would also trade Bronson Arroyo for a decent prospect. I am not sold that he's a $10M pitcher, and that's the price tag for next year - assuming he doesn't honor all other competitors' coupons.

Reds Offense Competitive in Games With Rockies

The woman pictured to the left was supposedly enjoying the Rocky Mountains much like I have enjoyed the Reds' play against the Rockies the last two days. That explains the St. Bernard. Nice work you bunch of crumb bums. Now I have to listen to baseball analysts, like Testes Destrade, talk about what an exciting second half this is going to be for Rockies fans. They are 12 games under .500 and therefore unlikely to make the playoffs. It will only be exciting if you think a 15 game deficit in September is fun. They've just got all the tools.

But you can't tell that to the Reds. Volquez's gangrenous right arm continues to worsen, he left after 4+ yesterday. And Bailey, 15 hits in less than 5 innings? That is a fantastically awful performance. Sure Griffey didn't risk a torn ligament hustling for fly balls out there in right but he told you that before the game and he hit a bomb off the devistating Jorge de la Rosa to knot the game at 1. He's helping Bruce to learn centerfield by allowing him to be in charge of both center and right. It should pay off in the long run. Bruce did have two assists tonight.

Last game with the Rocks tomorrow before the big trip to Houston followed by some quality opponents after that. At least Dusty seems to prefer to play the winners, how else can a 2-3 record against the NL West be explained? It cannot. So, expect a win in convincing fashion.

Ah, Shabba! Reds 9-5

America's team fell down early, again, but like the last two nights bounced back and then held on, even after Coco meandered out of his corral. Nice job boys, Arroyo offers you a modest fist pump in recognition of your solid play. And also for his fifth consecutive win. 9-7? That rocks it. Rocks it like a masochist. Cue the guitar solo from a Creed album.

Eddie went yard to provide the lead, then Donkey went crackers in the 7th and the game was more or less over. He's got a bad case of the previously diagnosed, Home Run Fever. I say more or less because Big Frucking Nasty was given the opportunity to pitch shitty for the first time since his call up. And shitty pitch did he ever do. Three hits before his quick exit to the locker room, Burger King, and finally, his car to weep into his four Whoppers. God damn that handsome bastard and his inability to record outs at the major league level. Rockies in tomorrow and even Pete Coors Junior and the mountain streams of Colorado will tell you that they suck it. Reds! Reds! Reds!