Coco Looks Like A Big Fat All-Star

As with the last seven years, since Mr. Selig decided that the All-Star game should be worth more than just a fun time, the Reds are going to have to go on the road to win the World Title. The NL All-Star failed to win, as was programmed to be repeated by McCarverbot on the seventh pitch of each inning, for the 13th year in a row. There was that tie, which is of note. Of note for being the worst All-Star game since 1969 when hippies were given free tickets and Hells Angels provided security. I think one of the Angels knocked out second baseman Marty Balin prior to the game. Just for being a douche. It was totally uncool.

Lincecum looked like a nervous derelict, rather than a hipster who has chosen not to conform to your rules encouraging gainful employment, yet remaining confident in his book of beat poetry. He gave up a couple but the NL's fired back taking a 3-2 lead. The AL scored two more and the NL didn't bother getting anyone on base until the 8th when Howard managed only a half swing with some runners on the bags.

But who cares about any of that, other than the outcome. Coco, the lone Reds rep, looked real good. Showing the American League what they've been missing. He didn't feel like throwing too many pitches, so made quick work of things. That's someone I'd like to hire to sign autographs at my next Flag Day party. Those who are also interested, feel free to visit the site from which I've stolen the post picture.

The Reds Rocket has been on vacation, so please forgive the lack of comment on the Reds series. We're in the process of hiring an intern for $0. The request, to date, has been met with great interest. They will provide content regarding the Reds' excellent play when Timmons and Tiffee are too busy or hungry to write a solid entry. As a brief recap, Reds played a depleted Mets team, Arroyo dominated game one, then the next two games resulted in moral victories which Dusty will use to build a solid second half of the season. They did not result in victories, in the traditional win/loss definition.

The nerds at Baseball Prospectus have officially fallen into the category of 'potential victim(s)' with their prediction that the Reds have the 10th worst chance of making the playoffs at 4.5%. Watch it boys. Ray Jay has a lot of time and a lot of anger. Don't let the one good hand mislead you. He's poison in the bottle.

Reds Decide Phillies Can Have Season Series, They Have Better Things to do Anyway, Phills 9-6

Things started out pretty good for the Reds yesterday, Owings was rolling and Encarnacion tripled and homered in his first two at bats. But Owings gave up two with two out in the 3rd and 4th, then four in the 5th. Marty called Utley's inside-the-parker 'the easiest he has seen in all of his years as a broadcaster.' Which is certainly something. Nice job Willy and Dickerson. Either way, the Reds leave town with a 1-3 record to start the road trip. The Phanatic was firing his extendable crank late into the morning. At least the Reds play the Mets now.

The offense really wasn't that bad last night. As stated, they gave Owings a 3-0 lead with Jamie Moyer on the hill. Phillips hit a bomb and Encarnacion appears to be fully recovered, though we'll have to see how he handles pitchers throwing harder than 45 miles per hours. His only two hits last night were off Moyer whose salad is world renowned. Bruce got the night off to 'get his shit together.' Probably no reason he should be playing as poorly as he is. But, despite the overall poor offense, except on nights where the team gives up at least 9 runs, help is on the way. The Reds have signed Kip Wells to a minor league deal. I'm pretty sure he will be able to help the team. He was just released by the Nationals, the worst team I've seen in quite a while.

Arroyo's turn is up again and his recent string of starts have been subtastic. I think it's the carpal tunnel. He can't play the guitar between innings, which is bad for team moral. They like hearing Jack Johnson covers and accoustic renditions of Number of the Beast. Helps to clear their head. Reds start off with a win this evening.

Yeah, I Gave up the Winning Run, Want to Fight About It, Phillies 3-2

Though Bailey was sharp again, the Reds offense seems to be work hard, as the season goes on, to get worse. They were pretty bad to begin with so, they're putting in the extra hours poking each other in the eyes and trying to see how far they can hit the ball during batting practice. "Look, I'm swinging with the bat upside down" Bruce said to teammates. In the 3rd, they had the bases loaded with one in and none out and that turned out to be their one inning. Bruce hit into a double play to end the inning. That was it for the offense.

As stated, Bailey was pretty good. He gave up 9 hits over 6 but only allowed the two runs. One on a Howard single, after a Votto misplay allowed Victorino, the run scorer, on base and then a Werth homer in the 6th. Masset looked like he may be on his way back to reliability. And Weathers even struck out John Mayberry Jr. with a couple on in the 8th but couldn't finish the 9th. Victorino is a real asshole. Fouling off 20 pitches to get on base in the 8th, then driving in the winner. I am going to vote for Mark Reynolds to go to the All-Star game out of spite. Certainly not based upon ability. Final game of the series tonight. Hopefully, the fans start throwing batteries at Phillies management. It's always a possibility.

Reds Play A Little Better, Win Even, 4-3

Reds started things off slowly yesterday, they weren't down 10-0 in the first, but 3-0 in the 3rd with based loaded and no out. But Harang was able to fight his way out of it with a series of powerful blows. Then the team decided not to give up any more runs the rest of the way. Nice job Reds.

B Phill was the offense until the 9th. He hit two bombs, one with a friend on first. In the 9th Razor Ramon got sawed off but powered a single into center scoring Votto with what turned out to be the game winner. All-Star Coco closed things down in usual fashion. Prior to the game, Marty and Cowboy discussed, among other things, two points, the 50 at bats or so since Ryan Howard had hit a bomb and the current slump that Phillips is/was in. So, today they need to focus their discussion on how long Willy Tavares has been shitty and it's been several months since they saw Jonny Gomes eat a burrito in the dugout. I would like to see both of those things.

Reds have two more with the Phills before heading to New York to beat on the Mets. Homeboy on the hill today, hopefully that splitter still works. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Reds Lose in Close One, Phillies 22-1

Nice outing by Cueto yesterday. He recorded two outs, before taking a seat on the bench with his team down 10-0 in the first inning. Granted, he only gave up 9 of the runs and only 7 when he left, so it's not all his fault. I'm pretty sure the Reds would have come back from 7-0, but 10-0 is a spirit-breaker.

ESPN said that this is the record-setting seventh time that the Reds have given up 10 in the first inning. Another record for the Reds, congratulations. I think that's probably more due to the fact that they've been around the longest, rather than they are historically bad. Everybody on the pitching staff, with the exception of the two rookies, was pretty bad yesterday. Herrera got pounded and Masset continues his downslide. What happened to that effective late-inning arm? Marty and Cowboy were calling blowout after Cueto walked Rollins to lead off the game. 'It's going to be a long game in this park if you're not going to throw strikes.' Turns out it was a pretty long game. At least Gomes' homer put them on the board.

Onto the positives, the Reds don't have to see Hamels again. He has treated the Reds with much disrespect since he came up with the Phills. I'm pretty sure I could pick up a win with a 12-run lead. So, he got the win but he didn't earn it and that has to hurt inside a little bit. Also, looks as if I was premature in congradulating Janish Yanish earlier this season for his first career appearance. He got in the game again and was just as awful. Fortunately he's a light-hitting shortstop, so he doesn't have to worry about doing anything other than throwing strikes. And he struck a man out. I don't know who because it's amazing how many things seems more interesting when the Reds are getting a historical beating.

I realize the picture above is basically Philadelphia getting beaten up by Mr. T. That is foreshadowing for today and tomorrow. Rock's going to be all bloodied-up.

Reds Determine It's Too Early to Make Push Towards Top of Division, Cards 10-1

Dusty has the troops lying back, one game under .500, like a team full of snakes lying in the tall grass. He wants to lull the rest of the division to sleep, so when they make their inevitable late season push towards the playoffs, teams won't be expecting it. A key element of this strategy was implemented yesterday. Rather than recall games one, where Bailey was dominant and a rare late inning implosion kept the Reds from victory, and two, where Owings demonstrated that he's not only a quality bat but can throw a little bit too, the Cardinals will recall the beating they laid on Arroyo yesterday. It's too bad that Arroyo had to take another one for the team but he's a team guy. He knows and understands the importance of following, unquestionably, the lead of skip. Yesterday will prove to be an important day over the course of the long season.

Since the Reds Rocket was shut down Friday, there was no write up about the finale with the Snakes. The Reds was quiet for the majority of the day making it look, to Diamondbacks supporters anyway, the Harang was on his way to another well-pitched loss. Sure, the Diamondbacks being generally terrible helped but the Reds showed a little bit of heart. Putting together a late rally off Snake "closer" Chad Qualls, then sending everyone home with a series victory in the 10th. Votto picked up four hits in an otherwise uneventful offensive showing. Nice job team.

Also over the weekend, we received word on the lone Reds All-Star representative, Coco Cordero. Coco really has had a nice season, especially when pitching with a lead. He has less interest when entering a tied game. His only blown save was the Nationals game where he was able to strong arm management into letting him return to the hill after a rain delay. Nice job Coco. Way to earn that closer's salary.

You Don't Need to be Healthy to Beat Diamondbacks, Reds 1-0

Early on yesterday, Cueto demonstrated the wide array of grimaces and other showings of discomfort he has in his arsenal. The trainers were impressed and came out to check out his lower back. He did some stretches in the dugout, then dominated for the remainder of his 6 innings. Without the back pain, he might have been able to stick around for a while longer but the four early walks elevated his pitch count. Regardless, he took home win number eight and lowered his ERA. He is looking like a member of the All-Star team, along with Arroyo, Tavares and Dusty as honorary manager.

The offense was polite again last night, not wanted Jon Garland to feel any worse than he already does, being that he's Jon Garland. They only stuck him with one run in the 6th when Dickerson singled and Votto knocked him in with a rocket shot to left-center. A rocket-shot that took about 10 seconds to hit the grass in front of Chris Young. The offense loaded the bases in the 7th but didn't feel like getting any other runs in. 1-0 stings more anyway. The Diamondbacks can think about all of those chances they had to score, like with runners on second and third with one out in the 7th. For those of you unfamiliar with Ryan Roberts, the pinch hitter in that situation, he is exactly the guy you want up to bat in an important part of the game. Nice managing Hinch. It'll work out next time.

Yesterday we also saw the arrival of Drew Sutton. As my schedule features lots of "down time" in between brief flurries of moderate activity, I was able to attend numerous Arizona Fall League games. It's a hitters league but Sutton put up some huge numbers (.315/.426/.611). And while the Reds Rocket supported Jeff Keppinger and his ability to not strike out but, last year at least, not get all that many balls to drop, Sutton seems like a nice return. He plays lots of positions and was performing adequately in Louisville, so, there you go. Nice to see you Drew. Please offer your positive contributions. Reds! Reds! Reds!