Thursday, May 31, 2007

Aaron Harang Dominates Astros with his Magnificent Strength, 4-3

Looks as if the Reds are finally heading in the right direction. Three wins in a row over divisional opponents? This is a Reds team the author can support openly. No more pretending to be a fan of the American League.

That Norris Hopper/Alex Gonzalez combination at the top of the order is definitely a recipe for success, even without Wandy on the mound. And even though Dunn was caught stealing for the first time this season, the author had hoped he would go 40 for 40, the night was nearly free of this season's sourness. Today, Arroyo hits the hill against Woody. And even though Bronson's been seeing how just how many runs he can give up in the first inning and remain in the game, the author is confident another Reds victory is inevitable. Lets get that pitch count back up aroun 180, where Narron likes it. That's a proven method of success. Because the author is forced to use a borrowed computer, no box score today. I'm sure you have the ability to find that elsewhere, even though it does make the blog look nice. Sweep tonight! Reds! Reds! Reds!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Get Well Ryan Freel

There was a bad crash in centerfield the other night, and the author feels bad for not previously extending his well wishes. Apparently both men thought they were the only person in charge of fielding every fly ball hit to the outfield. Ryan Freel got the worst of it when NoHo raised that elbow, already envisioning a full time job in center. Evidently after Freel was taken to the hospital with a contusion to his head and neck, the CT scans and MRIs showed there were no serious injuries. So, that's good, just some contusions. He'll take a 15 day break then come back and swing at first pitches after four straight walks or try and steal third as the tying run with Junior at the plate. You know, all the reasons we love the guy. Hopefully the collision didn't damage his greatest asset, his mind. See you in two weeks.

Reds Drive Astros Into the Ground, Like a Stake, 2-1

It's nice to see that some of the other teams in the Central are also having some trouble of late. Notably, the Astros, who tonight lost their ninth consecutive game. But losing to the Reds is not something to feel bad about, you played a good ballgame, but Chad Qualls bites. As the Astros continue to lose, as they will certainly do for the next two games, I wonder whether their fans feel more like a large rock fell off a cliff and landed on their head, hammering them into the ground, or like the team is hitting them on the head with a mallet, and a large, comical bump rises out of their head. Maybe some birds would circle. Either way, nice to be in Houston.

So, B-Liz looked sharp tonight. While nobody enjoys allowing Adam Everett to have any part of a score, the one run allowed was a more or less fluke. Just the four hits to go along with eight k's? Simply outstanding, old boy. And Hatteberg, thanks for not allowing the team to fall back into the old habit of doing just enough to lose, big hit. I'd enjoy the game more if, in the future, Weathers didn't base his ninth inning off of old Rod Beck highlights. Gives me the fits. Anyway, real nice victory. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Road Trip

Your favorite baseball team opens up a nine game in ten day roadtrip today in Houston. The Reds haven't played so well in the last, well most of this season. But they'll start in Houston, where they'll see Jason Jennings, as well as old friends Wandy and Woody. Those guys are solid individuals. No reason Reds won't sweep this series. They've already demonstrated that they can beat the Astros two out of every nine times they play. Our expectations are justifiably high.

After the Astros, Reds head to Colorado for three with the Colorado Mountains, then they conclude the trip in St. Louis against your reigning World Champs. Remember, just thirteen straight, that's all we're looking for. Then you're back to .500 and everyone isn't quite so catatonic. Maybe players won't be sent down after one bad start. So, big win tonight Reds. B-Lizzle, come on.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Thanks Kyle, Reds Win? 4-0

As much as the author has enjoyed watching the Reds lose six consecutive games to the Pirates and Nationals, that win today was a nice change of pace. Lohse looked pretty good out there even after Hopper tried to bully his way into some more playing time in center. Sounds like Freels got himself a contusion. And Griffey in the lead off slot, genius.

The picture to the right represents the pre-game conversation Lohse had with the ball. In case you forgot, his last three starts were pretty unimpressive: 6 earned in 4.2 innings against the Nats, 5 earned in 1.1 against the Indians, and 6 earned in 4.0 against the Dodgers. He wasn't real keen on joining Saarloos and Big Frucking Nasty down in Louisville, so he had to really concentrate today.

"You hear me baby, it's Kyle here, Kyle Lohse. Now, I'm going to grip you real hard, rock and fire, rock and fire, and you're going to miss those bats. Kyle can't go back to AAA. Kyle's big league, he's big time. Louisville's not Kyle's kind of town. Miss those bats."

And they did, so nice job Mr. Lohse. The author figured they'd need something like 7 home runs after that disaster yesterday. Nice victory team, now how about fourteen straight wins to get back to average. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

You Have Become Quite Adept At Dashing My Hopes, Pirates 10-4

Granted that monkey doesn't look like his spirit has been crushed, but it has. He's a Reds fan too and just saw the team give up eight runs, that's right, eight runs in the 10th inning to the Pirates. Harang was pretty dominant for the eight innings he threw, too bad the offense only felt obligated to put up runs once the game was well out of reach. Nice back to back from Griffey and Phillips, though.

The author is starting to worry about the safety of Narron's job, now that the Reds officially own the worst record in baseball. Some of the non-loyalists even support this notion but let me assure you, ridding yourself of the great Jerry Narron is not the way to right the wrongs of this baseball team. He may just be to advanced for this game.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Mike Bacsik is Ready to Give Up Some Runs

The past couple of days the Reds have had the misfortune of having to go up against such names as Jason Simontacchi, Matt Chico, and Levale Speigner. It's no suprise that they are 1-2 to begin this homestand, those guys are awesome. But today, as they say, the worm has turned. Mike Bacsic is making his second start of the season and 17th of his career. He has previously been run out of Baltimore, New York [Mets] and last year, Texas. And, for some reason, his stock photo on the Nationals site has him wearing a Phillies uniform. But he's an honest Texas gentleman, he's not going to pretend to be something that he's not. He's going to toss up hittable pitches, and if you hit them you hit them. His father owns an alpaca ranch in Texas, so he doesn't need your big league attitude. Let's give him what he wants and run him out of baseball all together.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Pains are Back, Reds Lose To Nats 12-7

The author typed in "disbelief", first with "people" in the search, then just disbelief and the picture you see to the right is the first good photo I found. I think it is an accurate depiction of my appearance while I was watching the score crawler while at a restaurant with some of the author's family. That cat looks pretty surprised and though the disappointment may not be obvious, it's lurking there below the surface. The author has two cats, count them, two, so these things are second nature.

Anyway, on a non-cat related topic, how about those Reds tonight? They are now officially tied with the Nationals as the worst team in the National League. The Nationals, as you may remember, many experts picked to be the worst major league baseball team in many moons. But, Narron knows what he's doing, the author remains optimistic. Maybe the Nationals will turn out to be a very good team, hey they just took three out of four from the Braves. You don't hear anyone calling the Braves the worst team in the history of baseball. So there. Go Reds.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Hey, I Remember You Guys, Reds Lose 8-4

A night after maybe the best bullpen performance of the year, tonight the cowpen gave back two leads and then the game winning grand slam to old Felipe "No Power Anywhere Than Great American Ballpark" Lopez. In his first start of the season, Saarloos' salad was adequate, three runs over five and a third. Eight hits might be too many, remember these are the Nationals, with Cristian Guzman in the starting lineup. And while the offense wasn't exactly tearing it up, just three hits off Chico and the Man [anyone remember that show, it had Freddie Prinze Sr. and was genius], granted two of those left the yard. Again, let me reiterate, please take the next two games of the series. The Nationals are a bad team and are not supposed to beat you. I know you read this blog.

Who Wants Some Gastroenteritis?

Evidently our favorite recovering drug addict has landed on the DL with a bad case of the shits. From Wikipedia:

"Gastroenteritis is a general term referring to inflammation or infection of the gastrointestinal tract, primarily the stomach and intestines. It can be caused by infection with bacteria, viruses, or other parasites, or less commonly reactions to new foods or medications. It often involves stomach pain (sometimes to the point of crippling), diarrhea and/or vomiting, with noninflammatory infection of the upper small bowel, or inflammatory infections of the colon."

Who knows what's been inside that intestinal tract, the author's guess is parasites. The cross-citations list anal fissures [the first time I've had the pleasure of adding that term to this publication, but I assure you it will not be the last], Crohn's disease, and Coeliac disease. The author has never personally had any of the listed disorders and doesn't even really know what they are, but they don't sound enjoyable. So, Josh get well soon. We'll have to tolerate Encarnacion, instead of offensive stalwarts Castro and Keppinger, while you're out. Keep that bowel healthy and we'll see you in a month.

Monday, May 21, 2007

That's a Nice Victory, Reds 8-7

With the exception of the first two innings, of course, Reds fans have to like the outcome in tonight's contest with the Nat'ls. Nice to see a team that is not opposed to making game changing mistakes. Not too often, at least this year, where the bullpen bails out one of the starters, notably Arroyo. Now I suppose they're even for that 6-2 lead he gave them against Houston. The author would like to extend special thanks to Austin Kearns for letting Hatteberg's 8th inning double get in there, we know you could have caught it. We know what you were getting at, wink, shove it up your ass Bowden.

The author had a hard time coming up with a featured player but the more I thought, the less question that Valentin is pretty deserving. Santos' four innings of solid relief certainly was a nice surprise, and Cooter, nice second victory. The first one seems to have slipped past me, I'll have to do some research and go back and edit that post. Seemless. And Phillips saw the end of a long hitting streak which the author seemed to always forget to write about. We'll attribute that to not wanting the jinx the major accomplishment. But a late inning home run which proves to be the eventual game winner, is pretty unusual. Nice job Jay-vier, that's the pronunciation he prefers. Way to not give the author the pains in his head that makes it hard to live. Reds! Reds! Reds!

The Reds Rocket Extends a Very Warm Welcome to the Washington Nationals

The author had been looking for an opportunity to use that picture of the squirrel using the camera. Because Nationals games are so poorly attended, because the team is so poor, piss poor if you will, the author figured that out of the major league teams, they'd be the most likely to employ squirrel photographers, since they work for peanuts and all. Now there's a bad joke.

Anyway, now that the Reds have dropped an even 10 games under .500, it's nice to see some, we'll say, more inferior, competition coming to the old Great American Ballpark. As I mentioned yesterday, 4 with the Nats, followed by 4 with the Pirates, that ought to cure what ails you [or ye']. Because this post is much later in the day than I had intended, we'll forego Redsbot 5000's prediction. You have any idea what a future-predicting robot costs to keep up and running? Well, more than the zero dollars I am currently making on a daily basis. Here's today's starting Nationals lineup:

1. Felipe Lopez 2B - has a bald eagle airbrushed on his Ford F-150

2. Cristian Guzman SS - best offensive shortstop in the Major Leagues

3. Ryan Zimmerman 3B - has papers in the works to legally change his name to Ryan Zimmerm. Has a nice ring to it.

4. Dmitri Young 1B - thinks Schneider is stealing from his locker

5. Austin Kearns RF - the Nationals' boxscores are one of the few the author reads on a daily basis and that is to keep an eye on Kearns' production. We still like him around these parts

6. Brian Schneider C - nickname is "Hoops"

7. Nook Logan CF - Nook's first name is Exavier, that's right, the letter 'x' is spelled out

8. Ryan Langerhans LF - here are some stats: 3 for 44 with the Braves at the time of his trade to the A's [0 for 4 with the A's]. Can't say we're upset to see him back in the NL.

9. Levale Speigner P - of 100% Irish descent

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Indians Disappoint the State of Ohio, 5-3

Well, the Indians put the final touches on an all around solid roadtrip. 2-7 if my memory serves me correctly. Harang must have had something more important on his mind today and who can blame him. Giant relatives are even harder to say goodbye to than regular sized human beings. Tomorrow, Cincinnati greets the first of two very welcome visitors, the Washington Nationals. After their four game sweep, they'll see the Pirates. So all of a sudden 17-27 lookes like 25-27. Not too bad. And with the Brewers inevitable fall from the stratosphere, that should work out just about right. So, lets review, lots of hits tomorrow and let's throw in a strong pitching performance. Bowden is sure to be in attendance, with that pending grievance and all. Maybe he'd like to return Kearns for the weekend. The author always liked him.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Reds Boomstick Indians, 10-5

Lots of interesting story lines with the Reds victory tonight; the Indians gave up on Phillips, Sowers decided not to sign with the Reds so he could go to Vanderbilt and grow a combover, Grady Sizemore's on the cover of Sports Illustrated because his name fit into their lame headline, not because he's hitting a solid .274. Lots to talk about and with yesterday, the Reds were up 4-1 when the author stopped watching, they held on right? Pretty good return to the East. Those games out west only count 1/2 anyway, because the trip is so long. Tonight, in addition to Phillips' shot, Daggum Ross added one to provide a little room for the bullpen to work their magic, you know lots of runners on base. That's what they're paid to do. But can't say enought about shelling Sowers, asshole. That's what you get for agreeing to play for an inferior team. We wouldn't have wanted to root for you anyway. On an unrelated note, does everyone agree that Keppinger and Castro are a better option at the three bag than our man Encarnacion? The author realizes it's only temporary, until Hamilton's withdrawals subside, but, well I guess I don't want to question the genius of Narron. He is the smartest person I know. Nice victory tonight team, how about another one tomorrow. Harang is one sad monster, but he's back tomorrow and he smells blood. That's how they grieve in his family. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Meet the Indians

Today the more likeable of the Ohio baseball teams opens up against the despicable Cleveland Indians. The Indians, surprisingly, at least to the author, are playing pretty good baseball. I bet there's some crazy hijinx going on inside that clubhouse. Maybe some voodoo curse or maybe a nude cutout of the evil owner, Lawrence Dolan, who wants to move the team to Mexico City. At 24-14 they sit atop the less interesting of the two central divisions. Seriously, Twins, White Sox, who cares. According to Redsbot 5000, here's today's starting lineup.

1. Grady Sizemore CF - loves flank steak

2. Casey Blake 3B - the author's father is also a Wichita State alum, must be a pretty okay guy.

3. Travis Hafner DH - women love his explosive violent temper

4. Victor Martinez C - lists his favorite actor as Jim Jay Bullock

5. Trot Nixon RF - is a wicked traitor

6. Jhonny Peralta SS - from the career highlights section on the Indians home page "Peralta had a disappointing sophomore season, in which his .257 batting average ranked 68th out of 75 qualifiers for the AL batting title. He did not hit over .300 in any month of the season."

7. David Delucci LF - has a forked tongue and a prehensile tail. Thinks the extra 'h' in Peralta's first name is pretentious.

8. Ryan Garko 1B - has written a screenplay about some high school kids trying to "get some" while making a road trip across the country to meet one of their long lost fathers. Currently shopping it around.

9. Josh Barfield 2B - can lift one hundred pounds over his head. Easily.

P Cliff Lee - needs to learn to mind his own business. Cliff Lee doesn't need to know everything about everyone.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Hey, A Contribution From Thom Tiffy

Dr. Tiffy took a rare break from his profitable proctology practice to help the author disseminate information to the populus regarding all the benefits that come along with being a Cincinnati Reds fan. Unfortunately, his form of "dissemination," more often than not, takes on the form of what might be described as hate mail. There's no firm line there, I'm just going off what the restraining order said. Anyway, apparently he's not particularly familiar with the current roster.

Now That's the Way to Torture the Fanbase, Reds Lose 3-2

This team really appears to know what they're doing, breaking the author's heart and all. Runners all over the place throughout the game, they only manage the 2 runs. Granted, on Peavy, that's about a run more then he's been allowing for most of this season, so that's something. But you just can't give Mike Cameron and Kevin Kouzmanoff anything to hit, those guys, and their combined .180 batting average, will kill a team dead. And that's what happened last night, Cameron had 3 hits and 2 runs scored and Kouzmanoff, which is completely incomprehensible, was 3 for 3 with 2 rbis. Another run scored when Kouzmanoff singled while Dunn was smoking a cig and talking to some of that San Diego tail. That ball's not going to field itself, Donkey. Overall, Arroyo pitched a very nice game. And two fine starting pitching performances in a row, especially from the guys who we should expect that from, is certainly a positive. Now, let's get on the plane and avoid using prejudicial language while you hammer the Indians.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Hello Marcus McBeth

Welcome Marcus. The author saw that you were acquired for Chris Denorfia, who the author always viewed as a hard-working, responsible member of the Reds family. But, as you may have seen, this bullpen ain't no good, so help was sought elsewhere. You represent that help. So, we're going to need you to go ahead and get some late inning outs. Looking at your bio, I see that you're a Cock, or South Carolina Gamecock. You returned kicks for the football team as a freshman? That's impressive, you'll have something in common with Todd Coffey, or Big Frucking Nasty as he's commonly known around these parts, he did the same in high school. Quick and agile are two words which have been used to describe the way he moves. Also, and I assure you that's not alarm in my voice, you've only been pitching for a little over two years? Well, I guess there's not that much to learn, just throw the ball where those guys with the rounded sticks can't hit it. I saw you got the call with our old pal Chad Moeller, that guy's a real piece of work. Maybe go somewhere else after the game. Anyway, the author would like to congratulate you on your first major league action and, let's get some outs. The rest of the jerks in the bullpen might try and persuade you that it's cool to lose game after game in the late innings, but it's not. Try and remember that.

Reds Plan Works To Perfection, 2-1

As the author alluded to yesterday, Narron had a plan all along while having the Reds do their best Kansas City Royals impression. The Padres just didn't know what hit them. Harang dominated for nine innings, the only blemish was a bad pitch to Geoff Blum, that's right Geoff Blum I don't like typing that either, than stumbled in the tying run. The author would think that if you have to give up the tying run, a balk is pretty close to the best way to do so, especially with Brian Giles at the plate. That guy's been tearing the top off the ball all season. But, though he didn't get the win, the team did after Griffey's bomb in 12th. That's something we can all enjoy.

The author thought a picture of Weathers, Stormy as Narron refers to him, was appropriate not only because Junior has been prominently featured on this website but as a thank you for some solid relief. Three innings of scoreless relief? That, my friend, is outstanding and not just because all of you have been awful for the last month. No runners allowed over the three innings is excellent even for a [what's the opposite of inept?] bullpen. So, looks like the Reds have those Priests right where they want them. Arroyo's squeezed some lemon in his weave and is soaking in that southern California sun. No way he's not ready to go tonight. Though Peavy's been a real asshole this year, the author is confident they get out of town with a big ol' victory.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Reds Do Very Believable Impression of a Bad Baseball Team, 7-1 Padres

Bases loaded with no out in the first rarely predicts a positive outcome. That appeared to be the game plan tonight, allow as many baserunners to reach as possible and with misplays and some timely hitting, even by Cameron, this game was over very early. But the author knows what Narron is thinking here. Lull them to sleep with the old "worst team in the major leagues" routine, then when their back is turned, that's the time to kick some back. And we all know that if you're ever confronted by a Harang the only method to avoid a mauling is to look them straight in the eyes. The Padres, drunk off their newfound sense of accomplishment, will forget this important rule opening themselves up to a series of Cincinnati roundhouse kicks. The author can't wait.

PS. Stinking Maddux

Griffey Player of the Week

For the second time this year there was a familiar name listed as a weekly award winner. This time it was Junior for his .400 with 3 bombs and 9 driven in. Nice to see the team can continue to pile up personal accolades yet underachieve in the old win/loss column. There's a fine line there. On a related note, Deadspin has an awesome article detailing an encounter Griffey had with a heckler over the weekend in L.A. No better way to shut someone up than to give them something which has recently housed your sweaty coin purse. That's what 19 years in the league will teach you. There is no reason anyone should dislike this guy.

Reds in San Diego

The club continues their California vacation today in San Diego. There is no link between the picture of El Kabong and the Padres, other than the fact the author wanted to say kabong. The Priests are in second in the west behind the blasted Dodgers. So, hopefully the Reds can kabong them back to fourth. Today they open up against Maddux, who was pretty good against Cincinnati last season. Fortunately, the Reds have a San Diego native on the roster, so the stands will be populated with Harangs. If the author was the Padres, he's be careful not to get on their bad side. They'll kill you three times before you hit the ground. Here's the Redsbot 5000 predicted lineup:

1. Marcus Giles 2B - missed his brother so much that he opted to disregard being good at baseball

2. Brian Giles RF - fans love his dedication to drawing walks and hitting for no power

3. Jose Cruz LF - his father is very disappointed with what he has become

4. Adrian Gonzalez 1B - makes a kick-ass spinich dip

5. Khalil Green SS - can count backwards from ten, most of the time

6. Josh Bard C - is very happy the John Mellencamp "This is My Country" ad campaign has been extended to include baseball

7. Mike Cameron CF - once traded for Griffey, marks the greatest accomplishment of his career

8. Kevin Kouzmanoff 3B - has had no difficulty with the transition from minor to major league baseball, actually the .121 he his currently hitting might be a little optimistic over the entire season

9. Greg Maddux P - never heard of him

Dodgers Offense Just Too Potent, 10-5

Livingston wasn't terrible but he wasn't good either, very Milton-esgue, which may be just what the organization is looking for. Big Frucking Nasty blew another big frucking lead, not helped by D. Ross's laser rocket arm. He's got to keep that baby under control. Griffey continues to rake and Phillips stayed hot, but Gonzalez left about 40 people on base and Hamilton's had a tough run of late, which has just happened to coincide with the disappearance of Mr. Encarnacion. Tonight they take the bus down to San Diego to do what they do best, beat up priests. The Reds consider themselves a non-denominational organization but boy, do they hate priests, or their spanish equivalent, Padres.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Livingston Makes First Start

With the injury to Milton, the Reds opted to take the public relations route in determining their fifth starter and called up Bobby Livingston. America's been anxiously awaiting his first career start and you'll see it today. He almost won the fifth starter's job out of spring training, so he's shown some ability. The author's college roommate was from Maine and called everyone named Bob, Bobby, or Rob, "Bobby Nutsack." The author always thought this was funny, so the Reds Rocket is going to officially pass this nickname along to Livingston. If you had to choose a body part as the source of a nickname, that has got to be one of the better choices. So, there you go. Bobby Nutsack versus Mark Hendrickson today at 1 pm here in west. It's good to know he's out there taking 'er easy for all us sinners.

Reds Lose to a Bunch of Goldbrickers, 7-3

Tough couple of nights for Reds fans. Dominated by Randy Wolf on Friday and the big hit coming from Juan Pierre on Saturday. The Dodgers appear to have thought about the best way to really drive in the knife. Reds did hold the lead for about 30 seconds last night, so that's a positive. Phillips extended his hitting streak and Griffey drove in a run, but that was about it until Valentin knocked in some late inning garbage. They're going to see Mark Hendrickson today, so another loss will be, we'll say, discouraging. Let's play a little better, the author really hates the Dodgers.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Coming into Los Angeles

The win yesterday was nice but you get the impression Houston was trying to see how bad of lineup they could throw out there and still win. Chris Burke and Orlando Palmeiro in the same starting lineup with Matt Albers on the mound? Phil Garner you're a real smart ass. But still a win's a win, so go Reds.

The club opens the first of a number of long road trips this season tonight in L.A. Arroyo gets his scheduled turn in the rotation tonight against Randy Wolf. Should be a pretty good night, unless you're Randy Wolf's mother. It's got to be hard watching your son get absolutely hammered. But we here at the Reds Rocket like nothing more, so sit back and relax and let Randy Wolf mesmerize you with his inability to get outs. Here is Redsbot 5000's predicted Dodger lineup.

1. Rafael Furcal SS - considers Mario Lopez a friend

2. Juan Pierre CF - author will bet his 1994 Oldsmobile 88 that this acquisition goes down as the greatest in the history of the Dodgers organization. What's not to love about a leadoff hitter who doesn't get on base, plays an awful centerfield, and well, doesn't lead off? The whole package is fantastic.

3. Nomar Garciaparra 1B - used to play baseball

4. Jeff Kent 2B - uses moustache to hide snacks, just in case he gets hungry during the game. His favorite is beef jerky

5. Luis Gonzalez LF - bears a striking resemblance to a young Abe Vigota

6. Russell Martin C - can play the theme song from Rockford Files on his saxophone

7. Andre Ethier RF - attended Arizona State, majored in most popular course of study; Receiving and Passing Along STDs. All students enrolled must maintain at least a 2.75 grade point average

8. Andy LaRoche 3B - supposedly this LaRoche has talent, though the author seems to recall a time when the same was thought of Adam

9. Randy Wolf P - participated in "Baseballers Against Drugs" free baseball clinic for inner-city kids...attended the annual Dodger Caravan on Feb. 6, 2007. Nearly 100% of kids began using drugs so as not to end up like Randy Wolf

Hello Mr. Keppinger

The author will admit, he had to do a little research prior to writing this particular post. The name Keppinger sounds vaguely family, was he the neighbor on Alf? No, I guess that was Raquel and Trevor Achmanic. Oh, I remember, Keppinger is the name of the guy who was designated [and subsequently traded] by the Royals during the offseason and is now taking the place of Encarnacion on the Reds roster. Not off to a good start here Jeff. Let's see what else you've got to offer. Well, there is no finely trimmed chin-strap beard, but I suppose that can be corrected. Last season he put up .267 with two bombs in 60 at bats, nothing extraordinary there. And it says here you're from Miami, the author once heard that the only people who play baseball in Floriday are those not good enough to play football. So, tell me Jeff, what's the deal? How did you get Edwin exiled to Louisville when you appear to be nothing more than a journeyman middle infielder? The answer, as it turns out is, Jeff Keppinger can juggle. Not just like three baseballs but 15 bowling pins, while riding around on a unicycle blindfolded. On occasion he's been known to incorporate "little people", seltzer water, and 2 x 4's into the routine. Pretty amazing stuff, and as we all know, there's nothing Krivsky likes more than an entertainer. What else is Juan Castro doing here? So, welcome Jeff, may your stay be long and productive or at least until Encarnacion apologizes for not attending Krivsky's birthday party. That really hurt his feelings.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Hello It's Me

The author wishes to apologize for the temporary leave of absence. Hopefullythe loyal readership has not been completely alienated by the author's lack of focus. It's just with finals and all, it was either take a break or melt it on down. The author opted for the former. How am I ever going to become a certified sous chef if I can't devote the time necessary to my souffle? They can sense fluctuations in your mood.

A lot has happened during my Hybernol induced coma, Encarnacion took his turn losing a game and was optioned to Louisville. Hello Jeff Keppinger, your official welcome is upcoming. Uncle Milty is on the shelf again with a sore goatee, and who's going to fill that fifth starter position? Everyone who is asked does their best Mr. Mysterio impression. The team finished up the homestand a respectable 2-5. Not a bad way to lead into a 9 game in 10 day roadtrip. So, lots of things to write about which I will get started on some time later today. I'm sure everyone is anxiously waiting.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Reds Hypnotized by Astros Swinging Bologna, 7-6

The author thought it would be clever to put together a photoshop commemorating Brad Salmon's official initiation into the Cincinnati bullpen, but Dr. Tiffy the photoshop extrordinare was sadly unavailable. You, as the reader, will just have to imagine the life cycle of the salmon, pictured at right, with the full grown salmon giving up a back-breaking homerun to Berkman in the 7th. I am confident you will enjoy the exercise as much as I did. Perhaps, the author was a bit premature encouraging the relievers to take on the name of any sea fish. The Reds official site is backing Milton, since the bullpen took away a potential win. We'll just subtract that from the 5 other wins Milton gave to the opposition. But that hit in the 4th was pretty sweet, went right through Wandy's heart. Tonight marks the third time this homestand that the team has scored at least 5 runs and lost. Losing at home and giving up a ton of runs, not too shabby. But tomorrow is another day and another Salmon. Woody and his small town sensabilities will take the hill. The bats are already preparing a beating beyond comprehension.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Welcome Back A-Holes

Four game set, starting today with the Reds nemesis Oswalt on the mound. Hopefully, he doesn't run into Mr. Red before the game. That guy is crazy. As much as you as a Reds fan hate seeing Ol' Roy run out there and dominate, you can't in good conscience wish that sort of treatment upon another human being.

Fortunately, after Oswalt, the scheduled starters are: Wandy, Woody, and Albers. That's not too bad, not too bad at all. Wait? The author thought some old, succesful pitcher was coming back to Houston to not make the playoffs for the second year in a row. Must have my facts wrong. Anyway, everyone can look forward to the Wandy Rodriguez/Eric Milton match up tomorrow night. The author read that Milton is trying to, it says avoid, but I think Milton will take just about any entry into the record books, avoid becoming the first Reds pitcher to lose his first five decisions since Jimmy Haynes in 2003. Oh, Jimmy Haynes, the author misses that guy. So, how about a four game sweep team? Gets you back over .500, and you can crush the souls of a bunch of Texans.

Hey Josh, Sign My Syringe! Reds 9-3

The author is going to go ahead and apologize for the lateness of this post. I've just been too busy, wait, lazy. So, here is a recap almost a full day after the big time victory over the outstanding Colorado Rockies.

The offense hasn't necessarily been the problem of late, so the nine runs on the scoreboard wasn't much of a surprise. But only three runs allowed? Nicely done. That is a big time pitching performance. And Saarloos, way to not give in to the temptation of being awful. The author knows it gets you in the paper, but so does a double play after walking every other batter. You were still pretty awful, and the author knows that you don't want to show up the rest of the bullpen, being the new guy and all. But if I had to choose, I would probably say that most Reds fans prefer the taste of double play salad, that is, if given the choice.

The author read that Arroyo threw 48 pitches in the 6th, which is pretty amazing. But you've got to strengthen those arms early in the season, if you want them around in September. Best way to do that is to simply tell your starters, 'You're not going anywhere until your pitch count hits 150.' And Narron's going to stand by that, he believes in the program. So, who is the author to question that decision. I want Harang and Arroyo out there every fifth day throwing until I hear the music of old Tom Browning coming from their right arms.

Now, on to Josh Hamilton. A day after 4 for 5 with a homer short of the cycle, he goes crazy and hits two bombs. That's now eight on the season. "Over here, Mr. Hamilton, will you sign this bag of rock for my son?" If this guy stays healthy, the team is going to be fun to watch even if they lose 130. Which might be true if you replaced "lose" with "win."

Sunday, May 6, 2007

This is a Joke Right? Rockies 9-7

The author is having a hard time putting his feelings regarding the beginning of this homestand into words. We'll say the opposite of pride, well maybe not that far, less pride. The offense put some runs on the board but the pitching, as they say, left a little to be desired. Harang threw 200 pitches through five plus prompting Narron to turn to the charlatans in the bullpen. The author has concluded that the Reds are in need of more relievers with a fish in their name. Take Brad Salmon, his early success in no doubt attributed to having the good fortune to be named after a sea fish. And as a rule, the more delicious the namesake, the more effective the pitcher. So, you do the math, Brad Salmon equals great reliever. But there are some positive signs, Hambone reminded everyone that he's a news-worthy human interest story. Look he has tattoos and can run pretty fast. Encarnacion dropped his first bomb of the year and Freel tripled his season RBI total. But Griffey's strike out in the 8th with runners on first and third with two runs already in, that my friends, was a killer. However, the author remains confident this early season adversity will build the character necessary in a championship team. Hear me? Championship!

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Rockies? Win? 6-5

It can be assumed that no one is happy with a Rockies win, not even the Rockies. No one ever is. The bullpen held up their end of the bargain tonight before Wingus and Dingus made their appearance. Someone needs to tell Weathers that he doesn't have to allow every runner that he inherits to score. I know it doesn't seem right, you know, cleaning up the mess that someone else has made, but how about just once in a while. Stanton had already put in a solid inning and two thirds before giving up the double. Harang's on the mound today, and the offense seems to like him. So, no reason they don't put up 20.