Friday, May 18, 2007

Meet the Indians

Today the more likeable of the Ohio baseball teams opens up against the despicable Cleveland Indians. The Indians, surprisingly, at least to the author, are playing pretty good baseball. I bet there's some crazy hijinx going on inside that clubhouse. Maybe some voodoo curse or maybe a nude cutout of the evil owner, Lawrence Dolan, who wants to move the team to Mexico City. At 24-14 they sit atop the less interesting of the two central divisions. Seriously, Twins, White Sox, who cares. According to Redsbot 5000, here's today's starting lineup.

1. Grady Sizemore CF - loves flank steak

2. Casey Blake 3B - the author's father is also a Wichita State alum, must be a pretty okay guy.

3. Travis Hafner DH - women love his explosive violent temper

4. Victor Martinez C - lists his favorite actor as Jim Jay Bullock

5. Trot Nixon RF - is a wicked traitor

6. Jhonny Peralta SS - from the career highlights section on the Indians home page "Peralta had a disappointing sophomore season, in which his .257 batting average ranked 68th out of 75 qualifiers for the AL batting title. He did not hit over .300 in any month of the season."

7. David Delucci LF - has a forked tongue and a prehensile tail. Thinks the extra 'h' in Peralta's first name is pretentious.

8. Ryan Garko 1B - has written a screenplay about some high school kids trying to "get some" while making a road trip across the country to meet one of their long lost fathers. Currently shopping it around.

9. Josh Barfield 2B - can lift one hundred pounds over his head. Easily.

P Cliff Lee - needs to learn to mind his own business. Cliff Lee doesn't need to know everything about everyone.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Who's Jim Bullock? Sounds like a fag