Sunday, October 14, 2007

Him?

The author is briefly coming out of seasonal retirement to comment upon the, we'll say questionable, managerial hiring by the Cincinnati Reds Baseball Squadron. With the official announcement upcoming, it appears the team has settled on, let me finish, Dusty Baker! Apparently the Reds failed to listen to any of his nationally broadcast commentary. At least Bob Brenly got picked up for the post season on TBS and we all know he's a fucking moron. Well, I hope he has a sense of humor.

Aaron Harang when hearing of the new hire said, "He has an established track record, a winning track record, he knows how to help teams win and to get them in a winning state of mind. I think he's definitely going to get a change of attitude and get the players to play for him." Now that's a guy looking for a contract extension. The author had been quite happy with the work of Mackanin but it appeared from the start that Reds brass was in search of a bigger name. Dusty probably qualifies as a big name but more for his extended record relative incompetence. If the author had to choose of the many Dustys available for the position, Mr. Baker may have made the top ten, which isn't bad considering the quality of the other available candidates. Of the top choices:

1. Dusty Rhodes, The American Dream, also known as The Son of a Plumber, was one of Dr. Tiffy's favorite wrestlers in the 80's. The 3 -time world champion, with his manager Sapphire, may have worn polka dots, but at least he knew a thing or two about situational pitching.

2. Dusty Springfield, the son of a preacher man, was in all actuality a former high price call girl who had given John Denver a wicked case of mouth sores. But I think rabbits and some blue-eyed soul would be a nice addition to any clubhouse.

3. Dusty Bottoms. The least heralded of the 3 Amigos, Dusty Bottoms raped the horses and trimmed the hedges of many small villages.

4. Dusty Hill, the bassist from ZZ top. He liked legs and knew how to use them. He's come a long way since the cat crucifixions prevalent at '70s concerts. There is simply no reason that kick ass bass and an ankle-length beard wouldn't help around the clubhouse. This may be the author's upset pick for the long run well-being of the Reds as a franchise.

My only hope is that he brings his same bat boy with him from San Francisco. I can't wait for Big Donkey to plow over that little fucker if and when he gets in the way, which he will and everyone will enjoy very much. The specifics for Baker are as follows: he managed the Giants for ten years before retiring following the 2002 World Series meltdown; after securing a release from the Giants, Baker was able to take the Cubs to the post season in his first season before guiding them to the NL's worst record of 66-96 in 2006. Not too bad. But, if given the choice, the author might just prefer to save the millions of dollars and fit his cat with a pair of batting gloves. That way there won't be any hurt feelings when someone gets fired after three pretty awful seasons. Dusty don't make me hate you, I'm trying to keep an open mind.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

As a Cub fan, let me just say that I'm sorry.

brianjstultz@hotmail.com said...

As another Cub fan, let me just say that Harang should demand a trade immediately before he becomes the next Prior.

Aaron said...

HAHA, yea Cubs fans are screwing with us. You guys show a lot of class for dissing a guy that nearly broke your curse. Prior had more than arm injuries, he had all kind of unexplainable problems AND when he was 100% still couldn't pitch. Harang is an establishde work horse with perfect mechanics... and if he is done he lets the team know it, he won't pitch beyond his capability and he won't play hurt. Same goes with Arroyo.

Furthermore, to our host I must say I am disappointed by your reaction. Sure it would have been nice to get a guy like Johnny Bench or even Chris Sabo, but Baker is a winner, his record shows he can turn a franchise around immediately. Playes love him... so the fans don't like him much, whatever. If he wins everyone will like him, and yea if he loses I expect he'll be crucified mercilessly.

Anonymous said...

You'll learn, Aaron. Dusty Baker sucks. I was excited when the Cubs hired him and he took them to the NLCS the first year and then totally fucked that up. And then there are the three following years, where he did nothing, let his shitty players run everything and basically made a mess out of the Cubs, which is hard to do when you consider they're, well, the Cubs.

Anonymous said...

I am not the same "anonymous" but I have thesame opinion. If I were a player I would love playing for Dusty. He expects nothing from his players and makes excuses for their underperforming. He lets the stars run the team. He only plays the veterans. He exaggerates the abilities of his veterans. Every move he makes is dictated by the "Book". Your grandmother could read the same "Book" as Dusty and do equally as well. He was run out of San Francisco and Chicago. Good luck, Cincy.

Tim Timmons said...

Managers don't need to wear batting gloves during games and Sabo is certifiably nutso. It would only be a matter of time before he took the field without pants.

biff said...

so let me get this straight...three divison titles a world series appearance, one lame cub fan away from a second series appearance, 6 2nd place finishes,but he's not good enough for the baseball graveyard that is Cincinnati? Gee, this wouldn't be a race thing would it? Nahhh...

biff said...

oh and did i mention the horrible Dusty Baker has been named Manager of the year three times in the NL?

Aaron said...

If he only plays veterans how do you explain Joe Borrowski as closer? How do you explain Matt Murton as opening day starting left fielder? How do you explain a pitching staff with Prior, 22, as ace, and young Wood and Zambrano? I am not buying it? As for players not performing? Uh, didn't Derek Lee have like an insane MVP season a couple of yrs ago? Didn't Bonds have his greatest season ever with this guy as his manager? Didn't Prior have his one and only superb season under Baker? Maybe he lets his players relax and loose because they perform better that way? I'd love to get a monster season out of Adam Dunn.

I don't know none of these Cubbie arguments hold any water. I think you guys are bitter cause the dynamic duo of Woods and Prior went down and Baker is your scapegoat. Its all about scapegoating in Cubbie land.

Anonymous said...

First, I must confess to be a Cub fan curiously surfing your comments.

Dusty was welcomed in Chicago as the answer after seasons of watching the winning results out of SF. He came in and took an upgraded team (no Fred McGriff, no Eric Young, etc) with additions of Eric Karros, Mark Grudz..., Mark Prior, Damien Miller, etc. and squeaked them into the playoffs. To get there Dusty rode the pitching staff hard, let the character veterans lead, and enjoyed a great year. The following years the team let the character veterans like Karros, Miller, then Grudz go and relied on goofs like Sammy, Todd Walker, and Mike Barrett run the clubhouse. Dusty allowed himself to lose control and the innings pitched in 2003 came back to haunt everyone.

While in Chicago, Dusty said some stupid things. Alluding to racial issues with respect to playing day games, advised he didn't like walks because they clog the bases.

In the end, the team didn't win and he was viewed as doing nothing.

I hope for the sake of your franchise he's better in Cinci.

Aaron said...

THis is the same city that crucified Greg Blache for saying sacks are over rated. That quote was taken out of context, what he meant was the END RESULT is what matters, not the statistical number. I am guessing that is what Dusty was suggesting with getting obsessed about stats. The thing about Chicago media is you have a few hacks working for your sports news whose job it is is to question everything and create controversy... why? Because controversy equals interest .. no such thing as bad news. In Cincinnati the media is not like that with the exception of a couple of radio shows... the media basically reports things from the managers perspective and acts more like a PR arm of the team. So Dusty won't be scapegoated and burned at the stake like what happened in Chicago -- which only made the problem worse. This is the nature of the beast in Chicago -- your either really good or really bad, there is no middle ground because of the media distortion.

Again, Prior's innings pitched in 03 were less than harang and arroyo the past couple of yrs. he was a #1 pitcher his job was to rack up innings. At 22 as a flame thrower it may have been harmful but you had no alternative and you damn near rode him to your first championship in a century. ironically it was his ACHILLES injury that probably spelled his doom more than anything else, whcih has nothing to do with innings pitched. But like I said you need a scapegoat, so Prior's injury is Dusty's fault. But when Derek Lee has a monster season Dusty gets zero credit... only negative credit is ever given him according to these Cubs fans. Its extremely biased and like I said I am not buying it.

Anonymous said...

As you say Aaron, Dusty took a media beating in Chicago. He was also thrashed at the end in SF. In fact, after leading the Giants to a WS appearance, he was driven out of town.

I'm going to just quote the old adage, where there's smoke, there's fire.

He doesn't allow young players to develop, they have to catch fire immediately while veterans are allowed to go out day after day.

Most Cub fans just grew weary of his methodology. I'm certain Lou will be treated the same if his ways don't bring success.

When Dusty's time is up with the Reds, you guys will look back and have a long list of better prior managers.

Anonymous said...

Aaron,
Be prepared to see some of the worst fundamental baseball ever. Seriously. I saw things that went without consequence that a 10 year old would know better, like don't let a pop up hit you on the head, call for the ball, don't get caught sleeping off of second base, etc...He won nothing except indivudal trophys he may help the Redds get over 500, and in the crappy NL central that can get you into the playoffs, but his teams have never won anything. Who cares about getting in, it is about winning it once you get there.

Matt said...

Dusty Baker sucks. They should have kept McKannin. The Reds played much better with him then they did the first half of the season. The only acceptable reason to not keep him would have been if they were getting LaRussa. If they were just looking for anybody with a big overpriced name then job well done guys.

Aaron said...

This is bordering on the ridiculous. Did yuo just say don't let a foul ball hit you on the head? God damn, I never would have guessed it took a managerial mandate to prevent such a travesty!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Reds. Hope you don't have any promising young starting pitchers... Baker will ruin them, but Aaron, the stat to look at is PITCHES, not innings, and Baker will let young pitchers who haven't yet learned how to get out of an inning in 10 pitches keep going and going until their arms fall off. Mark Prior had the most perfect mechanics I had ever seen until Dusty showed up... and I'm a Braves fan.

Anonymous said...

Two words...Neifi Perez. Don't be surprised when he shows up

NeifiPerez said...

Takes a real big man to go after a guy's kid like you did

Anonymous said...

Should have resigned Guardado. His veteran presence in the clubhouse will be missed.

Anonymous said...

Should have resigned Guardado. His veteran presence in the clubhouse will be missed.

Aaron said...

Guardado's PRESENCE on the field is something that we HAVE been missing the past 2 seasons. We pay people for PLAYING not for sitting around in the clubhouse.

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