But seriously, look at this picture and tell me he’s not just about to say one of these things:
1. Hoo boy, when those ribs gon’ be done?
2. Did you see Jarrett out there today? #88 tore that track up!
3. You call that banjo? Boy, get on up outta’ heah.
Javier Valentin: last year, with Jason Larue and the acquisition of Ross, Javy saw a cut in his time behind the plate. But you know what he thought? “No big deal, gives me time to think.” Time to think about raking righties (.286/.318/.476) and winning ballgames (tied for the league lead in pinch homers with 4). Time to think about throwing out 43% of potential basestealers (6/14). Time to think about his brother Jose’s moustache. But unfortunately for the author, also time to think about his one true passion, salsa music.
Chad Moeller: since the Reds seem intent on keeping a third catcher on the roster, the title this year goes to Chad Moeller, signed to a one year deal in the offseason. I don’t personally know that much about Moeller, other than his statistics, which look something like this over the last three years:
2004 Mil 101 317 25 66 13 1 5 27 21 74 0 1 .208 .265 .303
Pretty solid. His success against potential basestealers is similarly underwhelming, 21% thrown out last season. I can only think of one explanation for the signing, the guy can play the shit out of a banjo. Looks like we’ve found a winner. The final question is whether he’d like to be Cephus or one of the Tennessee Top Hats.