Reds Lose to a Bunch of Goldbrickers, 7-3

Tough couple of nights for Reds fans. Dominated by Randy Wolf on Friday and the big hit coming from Juan Pierre on Saturday. The Dodgers appear to have thought about the best way to really drive in the knife. Reds did hold the lead for about 30 seconds last night, so that's a positive. Phillips extended his hitting streak and Griffey drove in a run, but that was about it until Valentin knocked in some late inning garbage. They're going to see Mark Hendrickson today, so another loss will be, we'll say, discouraging. Let's play a little better, the author really hates the Dodgers.

Coming into Los Angeles

The win yesterday was nice but you get the impression Houston was trying to see how bad of lineup they could throw out there and still win. Chris Burke and Orlando Palmeiro in the same starting lineup with Matt Albers on the mound? Phil Garner you're a real smart ass. But still a win's a win, so go Reds.

The club opens the first of a number of long road trips this season tonight in L.A. Arroyo gets his scheduled turn in the rotation tonight against Randy Wolf. Should be a pretty good night, unless you're Randy Wolf's mother. It's got to be hard watching your son get absolutely hammered. But we here at the Reds Rocket like nothing more, so sit back and relax and let Randy Wolf mesmerize you with his inability to get outs. Here is Redsbot 5000's predicted Dodger lineup.

1. Rafael Furcal SS - considers Mario Lopez a friend

2. Juan Pierre CF - author will bet his 1994 Oldsmobile 88 that this acquisition goes down as the greatest in the history of the Dodgers organization. What's not to love about a leadoff hitter who doesn't get on base, plays an awful centerfield, and well, doesn't lead off? The whole package is fantastic.

3. Nomar Garciaparra 1B - used to play baseball

4. Jeff Kent 2B - uses moustache to hide snacks, just in case he gets hungry during the game. His favorite is beef jerky

5. Luis Gonzalez LF - bears a striking resemblance to a young Abe Vigota

6. Russell Martin C - can play the theme song from Rockford Files on his saxophone

7. Andre Ethier RF - attended Arizona State, majored in most popular course of study; Receiving and Passing Along STDs. All students enrolled must maintain at least a 2.75 grade point average

8. Andy LaRoche 3B - supposedly this LaRoche has talent, though the author seems to recall a time when the same was thought of Adam

9. Randy Wolf P - participated in "Baseballers Against Drugs" free baseball clinic for inner-city kids...attended the annual Dodger Caravan on Feb. 6, 2007. Nearly 100% of kids began using drugs so as not to end up like Randy Wolf

Hello Mr. Keppinger

The author will admit, he had to do a little research prior to writing this particular post. The name Keppinger sounds vaguely family, was he the neighbor on Alf? No, I guess that was Raquel and Trevor Achmanic. Oh, I remember, Keppinger is the name of the guy who was designated [and subsequently traded] by the Royals during the offseason and is now taking the place of Encarnacion on the Reds roster. Not off to a good start here Jeff. Let's see what else you've got to offer. Well, there is no finely trimmed chin-strap beard, but I suppose that can be corrected. Last season he put up .267 with two bombs in 60 at bats, nothing extraordinary there. And it says here you're from Miami, the author once heard that the only people who play baseball in Floriday are those not good enough to play football. So, tell me Jeff, what's the deal? How did you get Edwin exiled to Louisville when you appear to be nothing more than a journeyman middle infielder? The answer, as it turns out is, Jeff Keppinger can juggle. Not just like three baseballs but 15 bowling pins, while riding around on a unicycle blindfolded. On occasion he's been known to incorporate "little people", seltzer water, and 2 x 4's into the routine. Pretty amazing stuff, and as we all know, there's nothing Krivsky likes more than an entertainer. What else is Juan Castro doing here? So, welcome Jeff, may your stay be long and productive or at least until Encarnacion apologizes for not attending Krivsky's birthday party. That really hurt his feelings.

Hello It's Me

The author wishes to apologize for the temporary leave of absence. Hopefullythe loyal readership has not been completely alienated by the author's lack of focus. It's just with finals and all, it was either take a break or melt it on down. The author opted for the former. How am I ever going to become a certified sous chef if I can't devote the time necessary to my souffle? They can sense fluctuations in your mood.

A lot has happened during my Hybernol induced coma, Encarnacion took his turn losing a game and was optioned to Louisville. Hello Jeff Keppinger, your official welcome is upcoming. Uncle Milty is on the shelf again with a sore goatee, and who's going to fill that fifth starter position? Everyone who is asked does their best Mr. Mysterio impression. The team finished up the homestand a respectable 2-5. Not a bad way to lead into a 9 game in 10 day roadtrip. So, lots of things to write about which I will get started on some time later today. I'm sure everyone is anxiously waiting.

Reds Hypnotized by Astros Swinging Bologna, 7-6

The author thought it would be clever to put together a photoshop commemorating Brad Salmon's official initiation into the Cincinnati bullpen, but Dr. Tiffy the photoshop extrordinare was sadly unavailable. You, as the reader, will just have to imagine the life cycle of the salmon, pictured at right, with the full grown salmon giving up a back-breaking homerun to Berkman in the 7th. I am confident you will enjoy the exercise as much as I did. Perhaps, the author was a bit premature encouraging the relievers to take on the name of any sea fish. The Reds official site is backing Milton, since the bullpen took away a potential win. We'll just subtract that from the 5 other wins Milton gave to the opposition. But that hit in the 4th was pretty sweet, went right through Wandy's heart. Tonight marks the third time this homestand that the team has scored at least 5 runs and lost. Losing at home and giving up a ton of runs, not too shabby. But tomorrow is another day and another Salmon. Woody and his small town sensabilities will take the hill. The bats are already preparing a beating beyond comprehension.

Welcome Back A-Holes

Four game set, starting today with the Reds nemesis Oswalt on the mound. Hopefully, he doesn't run into Mr. Red before the game. That guy is crazy. As much as you as a Reds fan hate seeing Ol' Roy run out there and dominate, you can't in good conscience wish that sort of treatment upon another human being.

Fortunately, after Oswalt, the scheduled starters are: Wandy, Woody, and Albers. That's not too bad, not too bad at all. Wait? The author thought some old, succesful pitcher was coming back to Houston to not make the playoffs for the second year in a row. Must have my facts wrong. Anyway, everyone can look forward to the Wandy Rodriguez/Eric Milton match up tomorrow night. The author read that Milton is trying to, it says avoid, but I think Milton will take just about any entry into the record books, avoid becoming the first Reds pitcher to lose his first five decisions since Jimmy Haynes in 2003. Oh, Jimmy Haynes, the author misses that guy. So, how about a four game sweep team? Gets you back over .500, and you can crush the souls of a bunch of Texans.

Hey Josh, Sign My Syringe! Reds 9-3

The author is going to go ahead and apologize for the lateness of this post. I've just been too busy, wait, lazy. So, here is a recap almost a full day after the big time victory over the outstanding Colorado Rockies.

The offense hasn't necessarily been the problem of late, so the nine runs on the scoreboard wasn't much of a surprise. But only three runs allowed? Nicely done. That is a big time pitching performance. And Saarloos, way to not give in to the temptation of being awful. The author knows it gets you in the paper, but so does a double play after walking every other batter. You were still pretty awful, and the author knows that you don't want to show up the rest of the bullpen, being the new guy and all. But if I had to choose, I would probably say that most Reds fans prefer the taste of double play salad, that is, if given the choice.

The author read that Arroyo threw 48 pitches in the 6th, which is pretty amazing. But you've got to strengthen those arms early in the season, if you want them around in September. Best way to do that is to simply tell your starters, 'You're not going anywhere until your pitch count hits 150.' And Narron's going to stand by that, he believes in the program. So, who is the author to question that decision. I want Harang and Arroyo out there every fifth day throwing until I hear the music of old Tom Browning coming from their right arms.

Now, on to Josh Hamilton. A day after 4 for 5 with a homer short of the cycle, he goes crazy and hits two bombs. That's now eight on the season. "Over here, Mr. Hamilton, will you sign this bag of rock for my son?" If this guy stays healthy, the team is going to be fun to watch even if they lose 130. Which might be true if you replaced "lose" with "win."