Bailey Gives Pitching Effectively a Try But Reds Lose, Brewers 3-2

The author tuned in a little late to the game today, late enough to miss the Reds runs and the Sabathia bomb. Prince and C.C. could team up to create a moderately successful tag-team duo. They would probably be bad guys and would have to rely upon a gimmick. Maybe they could be from France and put down the U.S.A. 'You and your country make us turn up our noses in disgust. Americans are very weak.' Boooo! Go back to France you frog eating bastards.

Nice start from Bailey today. He managed to strike out four batters and really should only have been charged with the one run. Bill Bray needs to retire Gabe Kapler, always. Maybe every time that Kapler succeeds against a Reds pitcher they can be exiled to Japan, like Kapler. That would teach Billy for his tomfoolery.

The offense was quiet, but that was expected off of C.C. He's as good as he is fat. And Hairston went down again, which is bad news. With him and Keppinger at the top of the order, the OBP of the team goes through the roof and then when the middle of the order feels like it, they can drive them in. So, we reach the All Star Break. One Red, Volquez, and the rest of the gang gets to take a few days off to go out on their yachts (Griffey) or eat at Red Lobster (everyone else). The author isn't sure what kind of mid-season report is warranted but I'll think it over and get back to you tomorrow. 46-50 isn't so bad considering some of those stretches during the first half.

Brewers Love Reds Victories, Reds 8-2

The author apologizes for the absence, the blimp has had some technical issues. A 15 mph breeze may not seem like a big deal to most people. Fortunately, the fine people at Linksys tech support were nice enough to be of no assistance in resolving the issue. I suppose that if I lived in India and had a doctorate in thermodynamics I wouldn't be very interested in helping dipshits configure their parents' wireless network. 'You're going to have to speak about half that speed and stop assuming that I am not an idiot.'

Regardless of my inability to access the internet, my eye remained keenly trained on the Reds' three game winning streak, or at least the box scores the next day. That last one in Chicago was pretty sweet, the delicate Ted Lilly got lit up. It was nice to see the media's full coverage of a major league first, two 7 home run games in onee season. Oh wait, it was buried under Moises Alou's tenth injury of the season.

And the trip to Mil-a-wau-kay has also begun well. The Foggster was his usual dominating self, yesterday, before the bullpen faltered and the offense, or more accurately, the Brewers' defense, showed some heart. They just weren't going to allow themselves to win the game. Nice play in center Mike Cameron. I think someone behind the plate had access to a strobe light which activated his epilepsy. Where's Gabe Gross when you need him. Today's performance was even sweeter. Volquez dominated, Donkey was hitting bombs, and Gagne continued his mastery of not getting outs. Hairston reached base 5 times, with 4 hits and David Weathers even added a scoreless inning before the game got out of hand. Looks like it's Skyline Time, I'll take the human feces covered with some chili and cheddar cheese. Sweep is impending, Homeboy versus C.C. No doubt about it. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Cubs Are Awesome, I'm Joking - Cubs 7-3

The author remains optimistic that the Reds will leave Wrigleyville with a winning records, despite the performance today. It was a two-pronged disappointment, Harang all over the place and a Ryan Dempster victory. Dempster can celebrate both the victory and his election to the NL All-Star Team with Chris Capuano because that's the type of second half he can look forward to. Capuano own the copyrights to the 10-3 start followed with a strong 2-10 down the stretch. Dempster's got that sort of talent.

The offense was quiet, with the exception of the 4th which was just a big tease. Like Mr. Red pictured to the left, the offense has the Cubs right where they want them. With his official retirement in favor of Mr. Redlegs and his distinguished moustache, Mr. Red has had some time to refine himself in the kitchen. How's does bear steak with deep fried bear fritters sound? Sounds great to me. Reds tomorrow.

Reds Release Broomman From Subterranean Prison, Reds 6-5

Four game sweeps are an uncommon occurrence around Cincinnati, even with a division full of Pirates and Astros. But, the Reds were able to close things out today against the Washington National offensive juggernaut. Coco made things interesting, with a little bit of good old fashioned Canadian laziness by our first baseman friend from the north. 'I'm not aboot to get in front of that ball, right. Eh.'

Volquez considered pitching ineffectively for the 3rd and 4th but, in the end, decided against it and turned in a quality start in route to picking up his 11th win of the year. And today we got word of his official addition to the NL All-Star team. Now he won't have to sell that scrap gold that's been lying around the house, even though the process couldn't be easier and rates are at an all time high. Congratulations good sir. Pick up that last win and you're looking at a starting position. Unless Francona made a deal with Clint Hurdle to include the rest of the Red Sox roster on the National League team. '...and the starting pitcher for the National League, Alex Cora!'

B. Phill picked up a couple more hits, has his average over .290 and Grande Burro ate a trough of hay and hit a rocket out of the field of play. Hairston, Junior continues to make me feel like an asshole. Okay, okay you're a solid player. I feel very bad for how I treated you prior to the season. At least Corey Patterson remembers what the scouting reports say about him. Nice home stand team, 5-2, following a winning road trip? Who are you guys? Enjoy the day off at the water park. Just a warning, Dusty swims with his shirt on. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Phillips Eats Green Berets for Breakfast and Right Now He's Very Hungry, Reds 3-2

The author knows that when you read the pitching probables today and saw that Harang was getting a couple extra days rest in favor of the recently recalled Josh Foggerino your reaction wasn't "Fuck, Josh Fogg? I'd rather have typhoid" but rather, "Fogg? I've seen some good things from him at Louisville. Now he's getting out nearly one third of the batters he faces." And that was the appropriate reaction. Foggster went six innings and allowed just a single run. Of course that run was driven in by the pitcher but Fogg is takin' what they're givin 'cause he's workin' for a livin'. Looks like we're going to see part two of the Josh Fogg experiement in about 6 days which will, of course, be followed by his unconditional release.

Bruce made a nice catch in center, teaching Kearns to turn National, and the offense knocked out 13 hits against, really, a team that is only going to win about half their games at AAA. Elijiah Dukes aggravated a previous self-inflicted knife wound to the knee (You think you bad, bitch? I'll beat you dead with only one patella), so it just got a little worse. Still, the game was close and the El Guapo couldn't close things out in the 9th. Fortunately, teams seem to overlook the fact that Griffey is hitting a shade over .240 (thanks to the two hits today) and B. Phill is hitting everything he sees. Fine with me, increases Junior's OBP and Phillips gets to add some more stats to arbitration case. Nice win, sweep tomorrow with Thomas Edinson standing on the rounded dirt. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Nationals Just Bad Enough For Reds to Win, 5-3

After losing 2 of 3 to the Pirates, the author was beginning to worry that this may be a similar set of games to those last year which really broke my spirits and crushed my soul. I remember 2 out of 3 lost to the Pirates, then swept by the Nats at home. But B. Phill decided to postpone the eulogy with a very nice game. Since when does anyone in this lineup get a hit with runners on and two outs? Sit him down, son.

Cueto won his 7th of the year and has his ERA down to the mid-4.00s, which is where we like to see it. He made the Nationals lineup look like it was the worst lineup to take the field this season, which of course, it is. Even with Kearns and his .190 average off the DL, not too many people of which to be be scared. Teddy Roosevelt was throwing BP and was unhittable. Continue beating the Nationals today, that is really an awful, awful team. Reds! Reds! Reds!

Javy, I've Got a Secret (I can't get anyone out), Pirates Win?

After behaving like a team that is managed by the great Dusty Baker for a few days, the team fell back into the old trap of leaving runners on base and failing to get a hit which will bring a runner to home plate with fewer than two outs. It all started in the first, Griffey, you're telling me that you can't hit a fly ball anywhere to the outfield on a 3-1 pitch from Zach Duke? Jerry Hairston's playing his heart out here, and we all know he's got a learning disability. You know how hard it is for him to remember to run the bases counterclockwise? Mark Berry has to remind him that there is an ice cream cake in the clubhouse, should he score a run. That's good coaching.

Volquez turned in his second consecutive weak start, not making it out of the 6th (against the Pirates). The author is hoping that this isn't a rerun of Arroyo 2006, 9 wins by the break, 14 for the season, 11 consecutive starts without a win? Edinson may not sell out tents at the fair with his cover of With Arms Wide Open but the author remains confident that his early success wasn't just an unfamiliar league. Also, David Weathers should not pitch in any game where the Reds are up or down by 4 runs.