Now That's a Nice Looking Fish

To the right you can see a rare picture of Mr. Redlegs on vacation. You can tell by the long shorts. He catches marlin with his speargun and sells their reproductive organs to Japanese tourists throughout the season to supplement his income.

Usually, the author looks forward to the arrival of the Marlins as they provide some wins and a relatively low cost. They show up, stink up the joint for about three days, then they get back on the submarine headed for Miami. Your bullpen gets a break and Dusty can get that Patterson, Hairston Jr., Freel outfield back out on the field. Not that I wouldn’t love seeing those guys all out there swinging at the first pitch every at bat.

But, a look at the MLB standings reveals that the Marlins may not be all that bad after all. And that’s with a Mark Hendrickson, Scott Olson, Ricky Nolasco, Andrew Miller and Burke Badenhop starting rotation. Quick, does Ricky Nolasco have a sharp-looking goatee? It turns out that he does, but I didn’t know that before looking at the roster today. More than anything else, it’s the fact that Hendrickson is the number one. Maybe he knows Hatteberg, they were both affiliated with the basketball team at Washington State. Hatteberg was assistant team manager, in charge of towel distribution, and Hendrickson was left handed post player with a limited professional ceiling. Or maybe they weren’t even there at the same time, who can keep track of these things. Anyway, let’s pretend these are the old shitty Marlins, which, in all actuality, they probably are. Here is Redsbot’s lineup:

1. Cody Ross, CF – you would be well advised not to disturb him during his 6th inning siesta

2. Jeremy Hermida, RF – he would be pleased to give you directions to the nearest nice restaurant, Red Lobster

3. Hanley Ramirez, SS – post game apparel: 100% cotton Dockers

4. Jorge Cantu, 3B – old friend, may love horses

5. Dan Uggla, 2B – like Nick Swisher is growing his hair out to benefit someone, however, that person is himself. He drops by the cancer ward twice a week just to check in

6. Luis Gonzalez, LF – amateur rectal photographer

7. Wes Helms, 1B – runs a mackerel cannery, of which he is also a customer

8. Mike Rabelo, C – under hobbies lists ‘staring at the sun’

9. Burke Badenhop, P – not to be confused with any of the other Burke Badenhops listed in your local phonebook