Friday, May 2, 2008

Reds Too Strong, Have Power Great Spirit

The Reds Rocket has long disliked the Atlanta Braves - partly due to the years of success (though, since 1990 they have the same number of World Championships as the Reds) and partly from TBS airing every other game for the last 20 years. This year, the Braves were left off the tv schedule to clear room for more reruns of Friends which means no Skip, Chip, Joe Simpson, or Pete Van Wieren on basic cable. I sure miss Skip’s hatred towards the Aflac duck, “I am going to kill that son of a bitch.”

The Reds hit town at a good time, the Braves have lost four straight and were just swept by the Nationals. Smoltz is on the DL and is talking about going to bullpen when he’s healthy. And Delta is cutting back flights in an attend to save costs. The author predicts the Reds return with with three nice shiny wins. Here’s the Braves’ lineup from Redsbot 5000:

1. Kelly Johnson 2B – has a bumper sticker on his car which reads ‘Panty Dropper’

2. Yunel Escobar SS – 3-time champion of the Cuban National Makeshift Raft Building Competetion. He secret was holding the driftwood together with his own feces

3. Chipper Jones 3B – here’s a guy you may remember hating from all the way back in 1993

4. Mark Teixeira 1B – his businesses include perishable distribution, food processing, public warehousing, transportation logistics and leasing

5. Brian McCann C – wears a size 68 suit, extra fat

6. Jeff Francoeur RF – his name is French for “tuna fish sandwich”

7. Mark Kotsay CF – wants to smother you in chocolate syrup and boogie ‘til the cows come home

8. Matt Diaz LF – runner up in 2007 Donkey Kong World Championships

9. Tim Hudson P – his effectiveness is powered by his uncontrollable rage

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