Thursday, May 22, 2008

Welcome to San Diego, the Child Molester Sanctuary

The Reds roll into San Diego red hot, fresh off a fine performance in LA. And of course by fine, we mean pretty fine but sort of not fine. But the Padres just happen to be the worst team in baseball, so less than three here would be something of a disappointment. Or just a disappointment. Peavy has a sore arm, Young got hit in the face with a line drive and the offense is sub-Cincinnati. At least Bruce Bochy is enjoying himself in San Francisco. The Giants have got to be a lot of fun this year. At least no one expected anything from them coming into the season.

The best way to start off any series is with Harang and his 36" pythons taking the hill. He'll choke you out, then spit in your face and steal your gold fillings. The offense has had a problem supporting him but has made a conscious effort to show a little effort out there. Hopefully Hairston had plenty of water last night. We'd hate for him to miss any more games on account of being very thirsty. Here's Redsbot's predicted Priest lineup:

1. Jody Gerut CF – proud owner of a locker/outhouse

2. Tadahito Iguchi 2B – he’s the guy who ran off that you thought you saw having sex with your car’s tailpipe in that San Diego parking garage

3. Brian Giles RF – is hoping to become the first president to wear pearls and a pantsuit

4. Adrian Gonzalez 1B – when you say his name three times into a mirror, he appears behind you and asks if he can crash at your place for a while until his wife learns to be a little more open minded

5. Kevin Kouzmanoff 3B – known to teammates as the Chinese Alan Alda

6. Khalil Greene SS – he can bleed on command

7. Scott Hairston LF – fresh off a summer internship at Dairy Queen

8. Josh Bard C – family’s name was changed once his grandparents reached Ellis Island, they were known in the old country as Mr. and Mrs. Sackface

9. Randy Wolf P – will be happy to show you his collection of rare hard boiled eggs

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