Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Big Frucking Nasty, I Won't Hesitate To Call You My Big Frucking Friend

With the news coming across the wire yesterday that Todd Coffey had been designated, we knew his time in Cincinnati was running short. Well, today, in a move which shouldn't surprise anyone, our pal Big Frucking Nasty was claimed by Milwaukee. The Brewers, citing the need for relief help as the impetus for the move, appear to be unaware of what Nasty brings to the table. He'll show you his 40 time coming out of the bullpen. He'll 4 and a half Whoppers before every game. He may even make time with your special lady. But when it comes to helping your bullpen, er, I think you Brewers are thinking of someone else.

After a more or less solid 2006 (81G, 60K's in 78 IP but 85 hits allowed) where he even got the opportunity to act as closer for a little while, 2007 and 2008 were not up to the newly increased expectations. He wa shuttled between Cincinnati and Louisville last year on a regular basis but still found the time to give up 12 bombs in a little over 50 innings. This year he was treated with less patience, only lasting 17 games with an ERA over 6. Dusty just doesn't have the loyalty of some of our other skippers. Here's the timeline:

- April 19, 2005: major league debut
- September 5, 2005: receives t-shirt from teammates which reads "Bun in the Oven," later revealed to be his favorite gift he's ever received
- May 5, 2006: first Major League win
- June 22, 2006: ate 16 bowls of spaghetti at local all-you-can-eat buffet. Is told that it is a record, has his photo taken, framed and hung on the wall. It is still there.
- August 8, 2006: first Major League save
- October 22, 2006: wins 2006 World's Most Attractive Man competition, few are suprised
- May 22, 2007: grows goatee which is believed to be the source of his success
- May 25, 2007: shaves goatee which is believed to be the source of his ineffectiveness
- September 5, 2008: argument with fan over whether or not Coffey is a "fat fucker" has to be broken up by pitching coach Ted Power. Coffey later concedes that the fan was probably correct
- September 9, 2008: designated for assignment by Cincinnati
- September 10, 2008: signed by Milwaukee

You will be missed Todd. He sure to tell everyone in Milwaukee that you prefer Big Frucking Nasty. That might be something which doesn't show up in your bio.


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