Saturday, September 13, 2008

Reds Lose Because of David Eckstein, Reds Rocket No Longer Supports Reds, D-Bags 3-2

The author was in attendance last night, as I will be the next two nights, and let me tell you, nothing like watching David Eckstein in person. Because if you thought he was awful on television, well, he's also pretty awful witnessed live at the ballpark. He scored two runs, one on a chopper off the plate that Harang tossed into right field and the second on a wild pitch following an eighth inning walk. I wasn't wearing my 80-year-old man portable radio headphones at the game, so I was unable to hear the announcers talk about his scrappiness, the little things that he does to help his ballclub win. But I know they were, I'm pretty sure Mark Grace is retarded. Like hit .150/.205/.190 and play a below-average second base. You can suck it Eckstein.

Harang looked like he's back on the snake diet, eating an entire goat once a month. It saves his trainers time and gives his boiler an even more distinguished look. You just have to be careful to keep your hands away from his cage. He'll rip your arm off and beat you to death with it if you get between him and a meal. But it appeared to have paid off. The big monster was perfect through three and left after 7 after allowing just the one unearned run on four hits. Unfortunately for him, his strong start coincided with the offense's decision to help Brandon Webb get back on track. Living in Arizona, I have bombarded with articles asking what is the deal with Brandon Webb? He was pretty good and recently he hasn't been so good. He was pretty good again last night. The local news stations all wanted to be the first to ask him how it feels to win 20 games. 'You know, it feels pretty good.' That's right folks, you heard it here first, Brandon Webb says wining 20 games feels pretty good.

Once Webb was finally out of the game, the Reds did put together a mini rally against Brandon Lyon. Eddie, Valentin, and Patterson (?) singled to load the bases up for Keppinger, who knocked in the Reds' two runs of the game. But Jerry Jr. struck out to end things. Way to go Jerry. Volquez goes up against an aging mullet tonight. I'll be wearing my Kal Daniels jersey in the right field bleachers if anyone wants to call me a jerkoff or punch me in the stomach.


Aaron said...

Do you reall have a kal Daniels jersey? I should sit near you next time the Reds play the Diamondbacks. Pretty sure I am the only dude in creation wearing a Eddie Milner jersey.

The Last Unitard said...

Don't make me whip out the Benzinger.