I Punch Myself In the Face With My Fist, Rockies 4-3

The Reds held a million dollar bash this weekend in Colorado. Convincing lead reduced to three to keep audience interest on Friday; good start by Volquez followed by bullpen implosion Saturday; and team diagnosed with severe case of shittiness on Sunday. It may be worse than we thought, I think you should see a specialist.

Five errors boys? You can't even blame things on Patterson or Dick Pole. Special designation for Ray-Jay Bruce, 0-5 with 4 K's and two errors in right? You'll notice the disbelief by my use of the question mark. That is truly an awful game but, this is probably the year to get it out of your system. Actually, that's probably good advice for the whole team - if you're planning to have a horrible game at any point during your career, this is the year to do it. I know that Votto has been talking about setting the single-game strikeout record, with 7, next time the team goes to extras. Go ahead pal. And B. Phillips, we know you like to party, go ahead and drink that bottle of cough syrup before you take the field. You won't just be leaning on the home runs. Arroyo can throw at every member of the Pirates order who said that his album of well-crafted covers of popular music was less than fantastic. And Corey Patterson, you can continue to play like Corey Patterson, for the rest of the year. It's not going to effect your minutes or innings, whatever the expression may be.

Cueto's early exit was both unexpected and troublesome. How is Dusty going to wear his arm down to a stump if he's going to experience "tricep tightness" beforehand? Suck it up, kid and while we're at it let me tell you about the major league pension. Fortunately, Castellini summoned the Veggie Jet to fly him post haste back to Cincinnati for medical evaluation. We'll hear more tomorrow. Until then, Vinny Foggerrini is just going to take the mound every day, which he is fully capable of doing.