Monday, August 11, 2008

Reds Say Adios To Grande Burro

The front office continued their dismantling of the explosive, no, that other word, anemic, Cincinnati offense, by shipping old pal Adam Dunn to the Snakes for a pitcher with a ruined arm and two future players, preferably also with ruined arms. After Griffey was unloaded, Dunn took his spot as the longest tenured Red, that is really quite an honor. We'll miss you and your comically undersized wife.

As we know, Donkey liked to hit bombs but didn't really care for singles, playing left field or first base, hitting with runners on base, Chinese food, brunettes, venereal diseases, heavy midday traffic, songbirds or fat asses. And despite all his success, it seemed like he never really lived up to the expectations created during the partial 2001 season where he hit 19 bombs in 66 games. That's what you get for playing well immediately, asshole.

The following year, 2002 as it works out, he found his way into the lead off slot, stole 19 bags, and reached base 40 percent of the time. And then from 2004-2007 he became the only player in team history to hit at least 40 homers. Three of the four years, he also drove in 100 and scored 100 times. Those are pretty impressive numbers and he's an affable guy, so why is everyone on his case all the time? He is treated by friends of the Reds as the if he is the reason that Cincinnati is always breaking my heart and making Tiffee weep into his cheese omelet every morning. Probably has something to do with the strikeouts. Probably also has something to do with taking a first pitch grooved fastball every at bat to ensure he starts down 0-1. I'll blame hitting coach Jacoby, you can't trust a guy named Brook.

The ascertainable part of the acquisition is represented by a guy by the name of Dallas Buck, which, the author will admit is at least a pretty cool name. He was a Beaver and was overworked during his time in Corvalis. The 2008 nerd write-up in Baseball Prospectus contained the phrase "briefly labeled as a top prospect." That indicates that the decreased velocity caused by chronic pain, requiring surgery, may impact his future as a big league pitcher. Makes sense to me but, again, I'm not part of the Cincinnati think tank. I think the scouting on this one may have fallen to Bavasi. 'Injury history....no I don't see anything here. I do know that my folder has a picture of an elephant skateboarding on the front.'

Buck did make it back in time to post some modest numbers at, first, low A South Bend and then one start at high A Visalia. His overall numbers look a something like this: 1-5, 3.55 ERA, 10 G (9 starts), 50.2 IP, .242 BAA, 6 HR, 11 BB, 28 K. The troubling number, obviously when dealing with major arm surgery, are the strikeouts. Last year, 8.14Ks/9 IP, this year, 5.04. So, that's probably not worth a donkey on its own. We'll have to see what scraps are left in the Arizona farm system which, being the no-good tricksters that they are, has been systematically eliminating all young talent for most of the season. I'm sure Dusty loves Eric Byrnes - he runs pretty fast and is close to devoid of skill - maybe they can get a piece of that action.

So, we'll have to see what eventually comes of this trade. The Reds Rocket has remained, at least, a modest Donkey supporter. Somewhere around tepid. A long time ago, he came over to our house to attend a party. The party featured a big sandwich, so you know it was on fire. We'll miss you Donk, as well as the recollections of the three types of meat and cheese on that oversized hoagie roll.

1 comment:

The Last Unitard said...

I guess I'm going to miss that bumbling oaf, but the fewer lovable losers on our team, the better.