Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Bring Me Back a Cheese Head

The Reds begin their first road trip of the season today in Milwaukee. The Brewers feel pretty good about themselves after beating the shit out of the Giants last weekend. But as everyone else knows, that's just like punching a 7-year-old in the face. How can you feel good about yourself when a Molina is hitting clean-up?

The author heard a pre-season radio interview with the great Tim McCarver and he listed the Brewers as his pick to win not only the National League Pennant, but the world title. He backed up his statement by raising his voice and then telling a story about Bob Uecker. Since there is no way to explain his celebrity without assuming him to be the mortal incarnation of Satan, I'm going to take him at his word. He also said that swinging the bat is the best way to hit a home run. Makes sense to me.

The Reds' offense will miss Sheets this time around and by next trip he should be good and injured. This time around they face the quality arms of Suppan, Dave Bush, and Carlos Villanueva. Johnny Cueto farts in their general direction. As always, here's Redsbot 5000's predicted Brewers lineup for tonight:

1. Rickie Weeks 2B - owns a gas station outside of Little Rock, AR

2. Gabe Gross CF - writes teenage crime novels under the pseudonym Shirley Pfouffer

3. Prince Fielder 1B - has conclusively proved his hypothesis that a vegetarian can still be a fat ass

4. Ryan Braun LF - uses a litterbox, but is housetrained

5. Bill Hall 3B - tried to flush an alligator down the toilet but it got stuck and now he has to feed it

6. Corey Hart RF - hates Rick Springfield

7. J.J. Hardy SS - uses his prehensile to hang from trees so he can reach the most delicious bananas

8. Jason Kendall C - this offseason, attended the Debutante Ball with that rich, young Dugum from Macon

9. Jeff Suppan P - wears a tuxedo under his uniform during games that he starts

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