Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hey, Who Hates the Cubs?

The answer, of course, is everyone except for Bill Murray and old ladies. Tonight marks the first of about 45 meetings between the teams this season and to the best of my recollection, the Reds are fresh off taking 2 out of 3 from the Brewers in Milwaukee. That should provide plenty of momentum to come into Wrigley and induce some very masculine tears from the eyes of the locals ("I just love this team so much"). Harang versus Dempster tonight. The author has made it very clear that the Reds Rocket does not support Ryan Dempster on the field or man about town. A very severe beating should be in order. Pick it up!

And then of course, we have the return of Dusty to Chicago. Cubs fans still love the big guy. Hell, they wouldn’t have been able to save all that money on Mark Prior’s shredded arm and wouldn’t have Kerry Wood attempting to close games (on a very limited pitch count) if it wasn’t for Baker. He brought Neifi Perez and Tom Goodwin to town. That is how you sell tickets and it’s something that Cubs supporters will always remember. That and probably all the losses. The author is looking forward to what is sure to be a very warm pre-game reception.

1. Alfonso Soriano LF – has a signed picture of Dolph Lundgren in his locker. The fact that Dolph has his shirt off does not make Soriano less of a man

2. Reed Johnson CF – would be interested in going half on a bag of dank

3. Derrek Lee 1B – surgically repaired his own wrist

4. Aramis Ramirez 3B – wonders why Soriano didn’t tell him about the good ass cheese in the west conference room

5. Kosuke Fukudome RF – has been using his Japanese investigative skills to uncover who urinated in the bathroom garbage can

6. Geovany Soto C – attended Bovine University

7. Mark DeRosa 2B – believes that if you can only see one movie this year, that movie should be Cop and a Half

8. Ryan Theriot SS – not a shortstop by trade but a dancer

9. Ryan Dempster P – his children hate him as much as you do

1 comment:

T-John said...

Jim Belushi claims to like the Cubs too, but that just might be part of his hillarious schtick