Monday, April 28, 2008

Give Joe Buck the 'Throat Slit' Gesture From Me

A look at the standings indicates that the Cardinals may have made the right decision by finding teams to take some of the rotting corpses out of the lineup. Sure it’s not going to last but St. Louis has had a fun April. 16-10 (16-11 after today)? Not too bad LaRussa. Time to celebrate with 20 beers and a drive around town.

The Reds offense took advantage of some bad Giant pitching to put up a week’s worth of runs the last two days. I am under the assumption that the success will continue tonight with Todd Wellemeyer on the hill. Griffey and Grande Burro played Stratego in the dugout all day yesterday, so they should be sharp mentally and physically. And Arroyo had a nice short start last time on account of being awful, so he should be recharged, ready to throw a fastball over 85. That makes his assortment of salad much more effective. Here’s Redsbot 5000’s lineup:

1. Skip Schumaker LF – Skip is a family name and also a product of inbreeding

2. Rick Ankiel CR – sells his homemade lotions and balms from a kiosk outside Busch. May or may not feature HGH as the "secret" ingredient

3. Albert Pujols 1B – also known as the Southern Dandy

4. Ryan Ludwick RF – has Lyme disease

5. Troy Glaus 3B – served Baja food at his wedding, which is breaded and fried fish

6. Adam Kennedy 2B – misses David Eckstein because it means that he is now the worst player on the team

7. Yadier Molina C – will attempt to fight anyone who says that vertical blinds are better than horizontal

8. Todd Wellemeyer P – understands that by hitting 8th all he is guaranteed to accomplish is to get more at bats than a position player who is currently hitting over .300. He is very astute for a Cardinal

9. Brendan Ryan SS – lives with his grandmother, calls her Nana

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