Monday, April 21, 2008

Cue Randy Newman Penned Love Song About Fernando Valenzuela

After that rejuvinating win over the Brewers yesterday, the Dodgers visit to help the Reds extend their winning streak to 4 games. Fresh off getting swept in Atlanta, Joe Torre has the boys from L.A. playing some great baseball. They’ve fallen to 7-11 (which is well behind the Reds), last in the West. That’s right, behind the Giants where they will stay for the remainder of the season. Or maybe not, divisions other than the Central are of little concern.

The Dodgers are one of my favorite teams to root against, they’ve got some liars, some old guys who can't play anymore but are still ardently defended, and a bunch of kids who wear their hats tilted slightly to one side or the other. Even the bench has some fun players, for example notable shithead, Juan Pierre (if you lucky, you may get to see him pop up to short). Delwyn Young? Isn’t he the future star who was traded to the Twins this offseason? No, it’s his brother with the similar sounding name but remarkably distinct skill set. And who is that in a mop-up roll in the bullpen? None other than Chan Ho Park. He’s already made 5 appearances this season. I thought he was installing rearview mirrors in the Hyundai plant.

So, should be a good series for Reds fans. No reason B-Lizzle doesn’t win back some fans in his first start tonight. Here’s Redsbot 5000’s predicted Dodgers lineup:

1. Rafael Furcal SS – recently recorded an infomercial touting the health benefits of the ‘Rafael Furcal All Burrito Diet.’ I’m in the best shape of my life and it’s thanks to my friends contained within this very tortilla.

2. Andre Ethier LF – Vin Scully likes to tell a story about him, a school of fish and a single-engine airplane. I wouldn’t do it justice.

3. Matt Kemp RF – uses his perfectly aligned teeth to hypnotize women at the bar to buy him killer appetizers

4. Jeff Kent 2B – makin’ haste ain’t his cup of meat

5. James Loney 1B – is terrible at keeping secrets, teammates are beginning to resent him. Especially Juan Pierre who told him about that transvestite in confidence.

6. Russell Martin C – can chew gum while playing defense. He is the only one on the roster who can do so.

7. Andruw Jones CF – has earned $1,636,323 so far this year. Enjoy fans!

8. Nomar Garciaparra 3B – known locally as Mia Hamm’s husband who used to play baseball

9. Brad Penny P – his AOL instant message user name is #31zCuppinB@lls

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