Monday, July 2, 2007

All Star Game Discriminates Against Donkeys

The lineups for the July 10th All Star game have been announced and Cincinnati's main donkey, Adam Dunn, has been excluded again. Well, maybe "again" isn't the right word since he hasn't necessarily been the most deserving candidate in the past, but this year he's been arguably, well, good. Granted he plays on a team who presently has the worst record in baseball, plays left field like an ungulate [a hoofed mammel who uses the tips of their toes to sustain their bodyweight while moving] and loves, just loves, striking out, especially with runners in scoring position. But his numbers are pretty decent, which appears to be the standard for admittance into this year's exclusive club. His 2007 statistics, through tonight, look something like this:

Among National League outfielders, Big Donkey presently ranks first in home runs and runs scored, third in walks, fourth in RBIs, fifth in total bases, and seventh in slugging. And just to show his versatility, he's stolen 7 bags. The average is on the low side and the
author will concede that those 99 strikeouts aren't necessarily a plus when determining which players should represent their league in San Francisco, but who would you honestly rather see get that seventh inning at bat against Papelbon or J.J. Putz, Donkey or Aaron Rowand? Donkey or Freddie Sanchez? As the Reds continue to fall further out of contention, it's looking
increasingly likely that Dunn will be moved for a collection of middle relievers with arm problems. Let the boy come to San Francisco in his Cincinnati hat, make some derogatory comments about the longhairs and swing so hard he spins himself into the ground like a screw. He'd probably even hang around after the game and do burnouts in the parking lot for the fans. After all, this is the fan's game and the author's confident they'd like a little donkey.

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