Metropolitans

The Reds open up the second half of the season today in the Windy Apple versus the New York Mets. The Mets are currently in first place in the East but have seen their lead dwindling of late, further so after the Reds hit town. Arroyo's got his work cut out for him if he's going to keep the interest of all the dipshits busy getting their pictures taken with Mr. Met. Hey guy, Mr. Met loves denim shorts.

The Mets are always an interesting team to watch, especially when they are playing poorly, like they're doing now. It doesn't really make sense with an offense like this[look everyone, it's Shawn Green]. Reyes has remained a pain in the ass when he gets on base but the middle of the order has not done a lot of anything. And remember, the pitching staff is made up of old men [one Cuban, one not] one pretty good young guy [who hopefully is tired from that long trip to San Francisco] and depending upon who's healthy, Dave Williams/Jorge Sosa/Oliver Perez. The second and third members of the terrible trio have fooled fans so far this season, but it's coming, the meltdown that is, you wait New York. In about a month, you'll hate Sosa and Perez just like everyone else. Again, Perez was run out of Pittsburgh, remember that. That'll be about the time you come begging for Kyle Lohse, sorry off the table. He's too important to the Cincinnati staff. Anyway, big win tonight Reds. Here is the predicted starting lineup for the Metropolitans:

1. Jose Reyes SS - his bat's name is Sidney Goldstein

2. Paul LoDuca C - thinks that the Dane Cook is the right man to stimulate interest in a national advertising campaign for baseball. That guy's hilarious

3. Carlos Beltran CF - voted into the All Star game solely based upon his macaroni salad

4. David Wright 3B - during the filming for those commercials for the United Way taught that little girl how to "shut her mouth while David Wright is acting."

5. Carlos Delgado 1B - narrates his own life, Ross is likely to hear about his inability to focus at the plate due to the intense burning sensation suffered during urination

6. Jose Valentin 2B - nickname is "Dogshit"

7. Shawn Green RF - spent the All Star break on the road with a country singer, a truck driver, and an orangutan

8. David Newhan LF - compared to an aging Mike Kingery

9. Orlando Hernandez P - throws a variety of pitches, the most notable of which being the Orlando Hernandez turdball