Meet the Marlins

The fine gentleman pictured to the left is Marlin Brown. In addition to being the namesake of the Florida Marlins, he also owes a little over $14,000 in back child support. The author found his picture when searching for the word "marlin" on some website dedicated to making people care for their kids, no matter how big of a pain in the ass it is. Believe me, the author knows, Marlin. You're keeping it real by not paying for those damn kids.

Today, the Reds begin three days with the Marlins in front of about 10 fans. The author had assumed that Florida would have a pretty solid team this year, because they were decent last year and all of those young players should have improved for this season. But the team is in fourth in the East [which would be third in the Central] and the players feelings have been hurt by how little interest the locals have in leaving the beach and watching some crummy baseball. The Marlins have a 20-28 record at home and a winning record on the road, so looks like the team prefers to make their out of town company comfortable by playing poorly at their own park. Suits the Reds just fine. Remember the team you just took three from, the Braves, are better than the Marlins, let's keep that up. Here is the Fish starting lineup:

1. Hanley Ramirez SS - recently gave a talk entitled "Finding Treasures With God", the treasure is a bag of Funions. Hanley is very thankful.

2. Dan Uggla 2B - invented a sport in highschool called sac-wrangling

3. Miguel Cabrera 3B - strictly adheres to trainer's directive to eat "no fewer than three Whoppers" daily, can I get those with heavy ketchup, heavy mayo

4. Mike Jacobs 1B - he's sorry but your comments just made him lose his appetite

5. Josh Willingham LF - keeps trying to get other members of the team to take a crap on his stomach. He's from the old school where there is no better way to build team moral than public defication

6. Jeremy Hermida RF - his favorite part about spring is burying all the people he killed durng the winter

7. Miguel Olivo C - once got thrown out of a game for calling an umpire a "blood fart". It's complementary in Spanish

8. Alfredo Amezaga CF - named after Alfredo Griffin

9. Sergio Mitre P - his goatee smells like a rosemary bush