Oakland California Is The City of Snakes

Reds open with the A's today in Oakland. The author has always found it odd that a team named the Athletics has an elephant, Stomper, for a mascot, though I've heard they do run pretty fast. And one time I saw video of one playing basketball, that was something else. While looking over what Google had to offer along the lines of elephant pictures, the author opted to take the high road and chose the picture you see to the right. We try our best to be an educational baseball blog.

Tonight, the author is confident that the Lohse/Blanton match will result in a victorious Reds team. The Reds official site reminds us that Hatteberg is returning to the team who employed him for four seasons, though the article seems to imply that the A's are a better run organization than the Reds. We all know that's not true. Also, it gives the team a chance to see old pal Chris Denorfia, assuming he's even in Oakland. If the author had a broken leg and wasn't able to play this season, I don't think you'd see me except to pick up that major league paycheck every two weeks, then back to East Oakland. Here's Redsbot 5000's predictions regarding the Oakland lineup for the game tonight:

1. Travis Buck LF - won his position on the team by eating 35 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting. Beane only ate 19

2. Mark Kotsay CF - craps in the clubhouse urinal

3. Nick Swisher RF - authors a blog dedicated to Lucille Ball, just call him Sharon

4. Eric Chavez 3B - he'll shit on you lawn, roll around, then go to a party

5. Bobby Crosby SS - believes in the healing power of a tall cool glass of orange juice, no doubt about it

6. Dan Johnson 1B - he don't hit too good, but he smell nice

7. Mark Ellis 2B - reminds the author of a young Rory Calhoun, always standing and walking

8. Jack Cust DH - his dad's next instructional program will detail how your child can be a disappointment to everyone for many, many years

9. Jason Kendall C - has a fantastic collection of stamps [to win friends and influence his uncle]

P. Joe Blanton - his goatee exceeds Lohse's in size, but not quality. He's not fooling anybody with that thing