Welcome Ranglers

Today the Reds play host to a very welcome guest, the Texas Rangers ballclub. The Chuck Norris' and their team beards will be here until Sunday and have made it their personal goal to move the Reds up in the NL Central standings. The Reds have dominated the all-time series, winning four out of the six games between the two teams. And this appears to be the year to get the Rangers as they are currently the very worst team in the entire major leagues. The 10-24 road record susbtantiates their claim. But we must remember, it is important to know your strengths and weaknesses and focus on the strengths. The Rangers are very good at being bad at baseball. The Reds need simply to allow them to continue to apply their trade, playing comically bad baseball. The author must also mention Mark Teixeira is out of the lineup with a bad quad. No reason not to win all of these games. Here's Redsbot 5000's predicted Rangers lineup for tonight's contest:

1. Kenny Lofton CF -this season volunteered to take over the duties of caring for team parrot. It's a lot of work.

2. Marlon Byrd LF - notable career accomplishment is being once traded for Endy Chavez

3. Michael Young SS - favorite food: meatballs

4. Sammy Sosa RF - Rangers have continued the tradition established in Chicago which allowed Sammy to take the field before the rest of his teamates, but instead of being greeted by applause he instead welcomed to silence except for the subtle waving of middle fingers. Welcome back Sammy.

5. Frank Catalanotto 3B - lacks the capacity [mental] to formalize contracts. Team parrot is co-signer on all rental applications and purchase orders.

6. Ian Kinsler 2B - this is his team photo:

7. Brad Wilkerson 1B - smells like a combination of fish [trout] and corn [sweet]

8. Geral Laird C - Favorite story includes a locker room, a quick turn, and ex-Pistons coach Larry Brown's "crank" in his face. Give Gerald Laird the opportunity, he will entertain you all night.

9. Vincente Padilla P - can't hang around his mama 'cause he scares her