Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Say Hello to the Angholes

Today the Reds have some pretty stiff competition coming into Great American, the Los Angeles Angels [not the Angles as the author initially typed]. The Halos are 40-24 and only 2 games in the loss column behind the Red Sox for the best record in all of baseball. Soon, that will be at least 5 games in the loss column. That will be very disappointing to actor David Boreanaz, you know, star of the hit tv show, Angel. The picture to the left is one the author painted in his free time [meaning the time in between re-runs of episodes of Angel]. I believe it accurately captures his versatility as an actor. David Boreanaz is an....Actor! Here's Redsbot 5000's predicted starting lineup for tonight's big game:

1. Chone Figgins 3B - An alumnus of Beth David B'nai Israel Beth Am's Hebrew School where he celebrated his bar mitzvah.

2. Orlando Cabrera SS - favorite food: canned mackerel

3. Vladimir Guerrero RF - his success has allowed him the opportunity to wear a uniform of his own design, made entirely of denim. It's imported from Canada.

4. Gary Matthews, Jr. CF - steroid use ensures there will be no Gary Matthews III, at least not one born without a tail

5. Casey Kotchman 1B - family name is actually "Krotchman", broke his parents' heart when he changed it.

6. Garrett Anderson LF - lists the highlight of his career as "plantar faciitis"

7. Howie Kendricks 2B - no surprise here, named after the great Howie Mandel. Since he suffers from the same crippling mysophobia (fear of germs) as the fantastic Hollywood talent, something as simple as a big hug can throw him off his game. Too bad, Anderson loves to hug.

8. Mike Napoli C - a "never nude", a fear or anxiety about being seen naked, and/or about seeing others naked, even in situations where it is socially acceptable. You'd be surprised how often male nudeness is considered "acceptable" in the Angels clubhouse.

9. Kelvim Escobar P - goggles worn on the mound allow him to see into the future. He's not excited about tonight's start

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