Thursday, April 5, 2007

Big Weiners 5-2

That, of course, is not a picture of Hatteberg from today but the author found it surprisingly difficult to find servicable pictures of H-Bomb's home run trot. Afterall, there were 13 opportunities last season. The internet is, however, saturated with glamour shots from his tenure with the A's. Those will find their way onto future posts.

On another note, that performance by Jason Marquis was disappointing today. The nation had been swept up by his loveable ineptness. People just can't get enough of his "I could give a shit, I only feel like three innings today" attitude. It's like he's saying, "I know it's my job but I've got no problem being terrible at it." In this era of rampant competitiveness, it was a refreshing change. But sadly, he continues to disappoint his fanbase. They come to the games expecting their hero Marquis to show absolutely no heart and exit the game after three and third with the team down eight. Jason, it's time to get serious. People aren't going to stick by you if you continue to let them down with quality starts. You've got the Cubs' $20 million, show them who you are.

The author recently received this letter:

Dear The Reds Rocket,

I am a 12 year old boy and have been in the hospital for the last 11 months. The doctors do not know what disease I have but have told me it is very serious. I am a big fan of Jason Marquis. The only thing that makes me feel better is his ability to suck always. The doctors only allow me to watch tv when he is pitching. Last year when he led the league in losses, runs and home runs allowed and had the second worst era in the whole major leagues, I was able to go outside for the first time in a long time. The doctors were very happy. But today, after only allowing 1 run in 6 innings, I began to feel very sick again. I couldn't leave my bed and haven't even been able to eat my pudding. Please tell Jason that unless he wants me to die, he has to pitch like normal.

Thank you,

Tommy Tilden

Jason Marquis, your well-compensated crappiness can cure the world. Remember that next time you try and pull something like today


Homosexual Christmas tin soldier said...

AOOGA!! Weekends here! Have fun!! Get down Mama!

DevilsAdvocate said...

Look at that bullpen! Look at those ERA's! Need a little more of the offense to show up, but it's a good start to the year.