Thursday, April 12, 2007

David "Daggum" Ross

Everyone know that the Reds Rocket is a big fan of Reds catcher David Ross. However, his statistics to begin this season are something more akin to numbers we'd expect from say, Henry Blanco. 1 for 17 with seven strikeouts (he does have two Rbis), is probably not what this fine southern gentleman had in mind to open the year. In an attempt to break this string of ugly, ugly at bats, the author encourages Mr. Ross to take a look back at last year. As you'll remember, 2006 marked his breakout season (or, the author also likes the expression "coming out party") for David Ross. 21 home runs, 52 rbis, 45% of attempted basestealers gunned down. You captured our hearts and made us forget about that other cather who'd been here for six years. What was his name again? Anway, in an attempt to remind you how good of player you are, the author has compiled a brief photo montage (with images collected from the good people at Getty Images whom the author is sure will overlook the light copyright infringement), complete with transcribed audio, of last season with the Cincinnati Reds. Enjoy.

Ross: "I tell you what man, that was a good game and all, but I can't wait to get back to the hotel. My ma and granny and cousin Jim Wayne came on up to watch me hit that baseball. I was like, Granny you got to come on up heah' and watch me hit that baseball. I been killing that ball, I mean, I'm like whack! and that ball just goes flyin,' like it's goin' to hit those mountains way over there. Know what I mean, man? And she's like, I'll bring up some of the pudding you like. And I was like, banana pudding? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, aw, yeah! I love that shit and these yankees don't know the first thing about southern banana pudding. They don't even have french vanilla pudding at these crazy stores up here. You believe that?"

Ross: "Arroyo seriously man, you see that throw I just made. That runner's all like, I'm gonna steal this daggum base. He's all runnin' and shit and I'm like, oh no you ain't, you forgot D. Ross' behind the plate today. I caught that pitch and was like boom! Second base! The umpire's like, you're out, son. Sit down! I saw Phillips' eyes when that ball was comin' at him. He was scared man. If he didn't catch that ball, it would'a knocked his head clean off his neck. His body would'a been all runnin' around lookin' for his head, but it ain't got no eyes...but seriously, I like Phillips, I wouldn't want to knock his head off his body. Even though I could, you guys know that, right?"

Public Address Announcer: "...that's another game won by your Cincinnati Reds catcher, also known as the Southern Dandy, David Ross!"
Crowd: Cheers and applause
Ross: "This game's just too daggum easy"

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