Tuesday, April 10, 2007

When Is [a Player On Your Favorite Team] Going to Get Hurt?

This segment originated when the author was asked, for at least the tenth time this early season, "when is Griffey going to go down this season?" First of all, he's already decided that he's not going to get hurt this season and second, why do you take such pleasure in asking that question? I think everyone can agree that we would be a much happier civilization if it was Griffey chasing Aaron's record.

For tonight's segment of When Is [a Player On Your Favorite Team] Going to Get Hurt? the Arizona representative is Brandon Webb. The disease of choice is necrotizing fasciitis, better known as flesh-eating bacteria.

"So Guy, too bad about your team, the Arizona Diamondbacks. If Brandon Webb hadn't developed that case of Necrotizing Fasciitis, maybe they wouldn't be 25 games behind the Rockies. I've heard that it can enter your body through any minor injury: cut, bruise, scrape, or blister, or can even be contracted during surgery. Flesh-eating bacteria eats away the soft tissue of the subcutaneous level of the skin, killing skin and flesh, which simply rots away. At least he was in the 80% that don't die from the disease. Not that the hook he has for a right arm is that noticeable but can he still throw a sinker?"

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