Reds v. Cardinals

That picture to the right is the Reds Rocket unveiling a freshly prepared St. Louis cardinal. You can tell by the batting helmet. Viola! If you've never had it, you got to get you some of that bird. After a, we'll say subtastic, homestand, the Reds embark on a nine day tour of St. Louis, Pittsburgh, and Houston. Adam Dunn can't wait to get back to Texas where he can finally shoot his pistols up in the air, like a man. Today they go up against a starting pitcher by the name of Kip. That's a tough opening draw. As the author has done in the past, the Cardinal roster has been plugged into Redsbot 5000 generating today's starting lineup. Kick those Cardinals in the ass.

1. David Eckstein SS - from Wikipedia: "David Eckstein is not Jewish"

2. Chris Duncan LF - his entrance music is Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes

3. Albert Pujols 1B - recently got a small role in a broadway musical, it's not much, but it's a start

4. Scott Rolen 3B - has lost track of the times Grey's Anatomy has made him weep

5. Jim Edmonds CF - apparently still plays baseball

6. Scott Spezio RF - when they were all Angels, made acting debut in episode of "She Spies" along with Kennedy and Eckstein. Played the role of "douchebag #1."

7. Adam Kennedy 2B - author is confident that Cardinal fans will still think the 3 year $10 million contract was a good idea by the All Star Break

8. Yadier Molina C - wears cutoff jean shorts under his uniform

9. Kip Wells P - training to be a cage fighter [also lost 18 games with the Pirates in 2005, don't tell the Cardinals upper management]