Monday, April 23, 2007

Here's Some New Cardinals to Hate

Tomorrow the Reds head to St. Louis for their first of several series against the Cardinals. The Cardinals have never been a favorite of the author's (with the exception of the seasons in which Reggie Sanders was a mercenary). St. Louis annually competes with the Cubs for the author's unlikeability award. It's like choosing between Jared from Subway or that moron from the Apple commercials. That PC is just so much less cool by comparison.

Last season, the Reds finished with a 9-6 season record against the eventual world champions, which by proxy, makes the Reds last year's best team. Through eighteen games this year, St. Louis (8-10) trails the Reds (9-10) by 1 game in the win column. Following the outstanding offense from this most recent homestand, St. Louis (.238) was able to displace the Reds (.228) for second lowest cumulative team batting average but they have fewer home runs and runs scored (in 1 fewer game). But, as we all know, the Cincinnati offense is saving up for something. The author predicts a three game explosion in St. Louis. Join the author in welcoming the newest Cardinals, give them a punch in the groin next time you're in St. Louis.

Randy Keisler - awarded Most Handsome Man in America. Stats from 2005 season with Cincinnati are 2-1 in 24 games with a 6.27 ERA. Maybe he's not that bad of guy afterall.

Adam Kennedy - is St. Louis' answer to Cubs' acquisition of Mark DeRosa. Author always says you can't have too many overpaid, weak-hitting middle infielders.

Kip Wells - Reds will see him tomorrow, did the author mention his name is Kip?

Russ Springer - while his hatred for Barry Bonds is certainly admirable, author is pretty sure he's an asshole.

Ryan Franklin - author loves this acquisition. One of the few players on steroids whose natural inability was able to combat against any potential benefit of the juice.

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